Fear of love: what is philophobia and how can it be overcome
Each person is afraid of something. There are those who fear heights, those of darkness, those who, on the other hand, are terrified by the idea of death. There are cases, however, where the greatest fear of an individual is with respect to a feeling that is normally exalted: love. With the technical name of philophobia, the fear of love is more common than one might think. this article will show you what it really consists of, what its causes are and how you can overcome it.
What is philophobia
The term philophobia derives from the Greek philos, or love, and phobos, fear. The fear of love is not recent, but only today it is being studied carefully to understand why some people see in love, one of the positive feelings par excellence, as something to fear.
However, those who suffer from philophobia often feel the need for affection. Therefore, if on the one hand there is the prevailing terror of falling in love and permanently bonding with someone, on the other, closeness and understanding are sought, as happens to all human beings. This inner dichotomy can lead to several effects.
The "classic" symptoms of the fear of falling in love and of love are the tendency to never want to make one's relationship serious and not to take fundamental steps for the development of the couple relationship. Furthermore, these people seem to sip their feelings and displays of affection because they fear they may lose control over their freedom and independence if they let their emotions fully shine through.
However, in the most serious cases, those who are afraid of loving experience symptoms of anxiety that lead to isolation from others and avoiding situations where emotional involvement could be incurred. To all this, there is also the possibility of real panic attacks because love is seen as a danger to one's psychic stability.
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Why are we afraid of loving?
Like any other type of fear, philophobia also has causes that can be traced in the past or in the personality of those who suffer from it. In fact, it can be determined by an individual's excessive need for independence. Those who have a particularly rational character and mentality, accustomed to research and to have control over any situation, are afraid of letting go of their inhibitions in a relation.
In fact, a love story also brings with it a good part of unpredictability. To make it work, it is necessary that the two partners abandon each other, that they let their guard down and reveal qualities, defects, dreams and fears. . Without this complete openness there can be no mutual trust, fundamental to any human relationship. Therefore, those who tend to control all aspects of their lives will find themselves uncomfortable in having to face the vulnerability that love entails and could escape from any relationship that goes beyond the simple "adventure" or frequentation without obligation.
On the other hand, they are often "victims" of the fear of loving all those who in their life have experienced love suffering or particularly significant episodes as children. A betrayal, the drastic end of a story, the abandonment by a loved one or even a "humiliation suffered by the ex partner": these are just some of the reasons that may be behind the development of philophobia for an individual previously able to love.
Recently, it has been noted that philophobia is more typical of men than of women. In fact, according to the psychotherapist and sexologist, Marinella Cozzolino, men tend to fall in love and let themselves go to love with more difficulty than women: "when they feel that it is about to happen they consider love so fundamental to their life that they are afraid of it" . To avoid getting involved, they focus on all aspects of life that don't have to do with love, from work to hobbies and sports.
How to overcome philophobia
Like all other fears, philophobia can also be overcome. To succeed, it is necessary to get involved and want to work on one's inner self in such a way as to be able to open up to others. We have seen how it is possible to understand if you suffer from this type of fear and what its manifestations are. Once this is understood, one must begin an individual and, in several cases, assisted path so as to be able to discover the beauty of giving and receiving love without barriers.
1. Reconsider your history
The first step in dealing with and overcoming philophobia is certainly very personal. In fact, one must re-examine one's past to understand what led to this fear. It can be a traumatic episode in childhood or adolescence, perhaps experienced in the family, and / or something experienced in previous relationships. The important thing is to reconsider all the past in an objective way to try to trace the root cause. Once it is identified, it will be easier to break down those defenses that it has made us erect over time.
2. Ask for help
Especially when the discomfort caused by the fear of love takes over, it becomes even more important to ask for help from a psychotherapist. Through listening and self-analysis, it is possible to trace the origin of the problem and understand how it can be overcome. Understanding why love is feared so much also leads to facing underlying pain, often silenced. Thanks to therapy and confrontation with the psychotherapist, those barriers previously created around one's own emotions are broken down and all the facets of love are accepted, from the most positive to the less. In short, you will discover the beauty of loving without receiving anything in return.
3. Give yourself time
Discovering and accepting one's vulnerability is not easy, especially for those who have always made their rationality and coldness their strong point. For this reason, whether you deal with philophobia by working on yourself exclusively independently or with the help of therapy, it is essential to give yourself time. Accepting to lower one's defenses, the possibility of being hurt or experiencing disappointment, giving up control over emotions are not trivial challenges, on the contrary. To overcome philophobia in the best possible way, it is therefore important not to set a deadline. in small steps, day after day, and when you don't notice it, you will be able to give love without fear.
The most significant phrases about the fear of love
To conclude, we have collected 10 famous phrases that have as their main topic that of the fear of love. The various authors have highlighted how being overwhelmed by it coincides with a half-lived life, putting a brake on true happiness.
The opposite of love is not hate. It is fear.
Gary Zukav
The waste of life is found in the love that we have not been able to give, in the power that we have not been able to use, in the selfish prudence that has prevented us from taking risks and which, by avoiding regret, has made us lack happiness.
Oscar Wilde
Isn't the fear of falling in love already a little love?
Cesare Pavese
Refusing to love for fear of suffering is like refusing to live for fear of dying.
Anonymous
Fear of love is fear of life and those who are afraid of life are already three quarters dead.
Bertrand Russell
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved.
Alfred Tennyson
Love cannot coexist with fear.
Lucio Anneo Seneca
I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of love.
Alda Merini
Of all the forms of prudence, prudence in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
Bertrand Russell
There are two fundamental motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we withdraw from life. When we are in love, we open ourselves to everything that life offers us with passion.
John Lennon
