Loneliness: what it is and how it must be faced and overcome
So is loneliness
Seneca stated that “lloneliness is to the spirit what food is to the body", Pier Paolo Pasolini said"you have to be very strong to love solitude”.
However, there is a difference between being alone and feeling alone. How different it is to perceive loneliness and to be depressed. If in the first situation we can speak of the human condition in which we isolate ourselves or are isolated from others, the second instead constitutes a real psychopathology to be treated with great care and with the help of professionals such as psychologists and psychiatrists.
Because we feel alone
Today's Western society, frenetic and dedicated to consumerism which thus seems to fill the life of all of us, always leaves the bitter aftertaste of loneliness. Many people have no affections with which to share life, others do not recognize themselves in the values of others and voluntarily isolate themselves. However, it is necessary to understand how much loneliness can become harmful to man when it becomes excessive.
Ever since we were children, we are taught to be alone for a while and it is precisely the state of boredom and inactivity that leads to creativity and imagination in children.
As for adults, however, it is important to take into consideration that being alone is sometimes pleasant, makes us think and leads us to greater reflection and introspection.
However, loneliness is deleterious both when it is excessively sought after and when it becomes a weapon of defense against a world that is frightening.
Or the loss of a loved one or the end of a love: these are the cases in which women take refuge in themselves excluding the outside world, including friends, and after some time they find themselves alone and away from everything and everyone. Those who feel lonely have the idea of not being interested in anyone, of not being wanted, of not wanting to disturb, they are afraid to call or even just send a message. They are people who do not ask for help and struggle to admit that they have a problem, most of the time they say that loneliness is their choice and they are fine, but the truth is that they lie to themselves. It is one thing to take time for yourself, one thing is to always be alone: there is a big difference.
An excellent advice comes from Positive Psychology which wants to dispel the myth of always seeing everything negative, where the limits are called areas for improvement and where to emerge you must focus on your strengths.
So let's learn to "facing problems from the opposite side”, As David Cooperrider invites us to do to love each other more every day, until we reach happiness.
If you are realizing that you do not like your lonely life, or if you are realizing that society has isolated you, you must learn to "take the bull by the horns" and avoid waiting for others to choose for you. You decide to come out of the shell. First of all you have to re-set your life with new goals that obviously can be reached soon (otherwise they are called dreams), in the three fundamental fields of life: affections, work, hobbies or passions. We can get out of the vortex of loneliness only and only when we become aware of our condition, but let's go by points:
- affections, or love and friendship. A basic assumption: it is not only the fault of others if you are left alone, you too have a bit of responsibility, so roll up your sleeves and leave the house. Start going to places you like, go to exhibitions, start sharing your life on social media, chat, but don't stop there: pick up the phone and call loved ones, surround yourself with people who share your same values on life. Slowly you will want to go for a coffee with a friend, and maybe have dinner with two.
- work: try to be profitable and strive to improve yourself. Before your boss you have to be proud of yourself and if you can invest in an activity that gives you satisfaction and in which to enhance your strengths, otherwise work becomes torture.
- hobbies and passions: you don't live on love and work alone. It's nice to also have a moment for yourself to enhance yourself by doing what you like best. Among the many possibilities of hobbies that our company offers us you just have to see which one suits you best. You only have one mantra to follow: have fun.
All this to learn that solitude can become an ally, but like salt and pepper in recipes: solitude to taste.
Do you need courage? Inspired by these amazing heroines!
