Narcissistic man: how to recognize and avoid the affective manipulator
Seductive and kind, the narcissistic man at the first meeting may seem the perfect partner. In the initial phase of the courtship, or in the very first part of the relationship, he will continuously strive to praise you, indulge you and enhance your qualities, making you feel like real queens. However, it is a trap, a bait to attract you and make you capitulate at his feet, thus nourishing the pathological and constant need for confirmation and attention. The truth, however, is another: the narcissistic man is an affective manipulator who will put early dynamics of superiority and psychological dependence, hitting the partner with passive-aggressive mechanisms that leverage on feelings of guilt, insecurities and fragility, with the sole purpose of discrediting you and letting you enter his game of manipulation. Often to this situation of psychological violence, aggressive attitudes are added that in some cases can lead to real physical threats. For this reason it is good to recognize the gravity of the situation in time to avoid unpleasant drifts of an unhealthy relationship, as unfortunately often happens.
Unfortunately, in fact, it can happen to fall victim to this predator of kindness, precisely because of the seductive and enthralling personality that it will show at the beginning, but know that it is possible to get rid of a narcissistic man and take back your life without feeling more under the yoke. So it happens to be in a wrong story, the important thing is to remedy it as soon as possible. Below you can find the identikit of the classic narcissist to recognize him in time and avoid him and the right attitudes to put in place to interrupt a relationship with him and come out more or less unscathed.
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Narcissistic man: how to recognize him. The main characteristics of the affective manipulator
But how to recognize the pathological narcissist? There are some common traits, in addition to initial excessive kindness, that characterize all manipulative men. Here are a series of signs that should alarm you:
- Continuous criticism: the narcissist, after the initial phase, will begin to be very critical of us, undermining our confidence and making us feel weak and not at the height. From an unpolite comment on a simple dress to a heavier judgment on ours. personality or the way we lead our life: every way to make us feel bad and discredit us.
- Leverages on guilt: One of the narcissist's favorite ways to make us dependent on him is to take responsibility for everything. The lack of empathy and the anger that harbors due to an emotional emptiness rooted in childhood, in fact, lead him to unload his frustration on others, hitting where they themselves have been hit. They will therefore feel satisfied in seeing you sad and dissatisfied, and they will give the responsibility to you for that.
- He is a megalomaniac: he will talk about grandiose projects and exaggerated, almost heroic feelings, because he has delusions of grandeur and must hide the emptiness that inside himself compensates for it with an ideal ego capable of affecting everyone. Generally, however, these titanic promises never follow the facts. As they say: all smoke, no roast.
- He is moody, negative and with a fluctuating mood: a manipulative man is subject to frequent and continuous mood swings. You will wonder about the reasons that made him darken, blaming yourself and thinking that he is the cause, but unfortunately it is an inherent attitude over which you have no power and that you will be forced to suffer, if you do not choose to move away.
- He is not empathetic: the narcissistic man is unable in any way to put himself in the shoes of others, therefore the only parameter he takes into consideration when he acts is his ego. For this reason it is constantly looking for confirmation and does everything to attract all possible attention. Translated into simpler words: when you are dealing with a narcissist, you will not have any priorities, your problems and needs will always take a back seat, behind his.
- Flirts constantly and never really closes with exes: precisely because of his chronic insecurity and the consequent need for confirmation, he cannot avoid seeking flattery from the fairer sex, therefore he will always be available to flirt and attract eyes to of herself, not to mention the bond with the ex. A narcissist will never be able to truly close with exes, and will try in every way to fuel the interest to prevent them from forgetting about him.
The narcissistic man in love: how the affective manipulator behaves in a relationship
A relationship with a narcissistic man is a real nightmare, especially if you are a sensitive and empathic person, the favorite prey of the affective manipulator. The relationship with a narcissist is a real emotional roller coaster: there is never stability but continuous ups and downs dictated by his mood swings. Therefore, the relationship will struggle to grow and will always remain mired in the usual psychological dynamics of dependence and submission and in the usual passive-aggressive mechanisms, aimed at discrediting you and making you feel a sense of inadequacy.
There will thus be continuous manifestations of affection - sporadic and a little exaggerated - which will be followed by detachments, silences and escapes. Obviously your mood will depend on these phases, and the narcissist knows it well: this is precisely the aspect that excites him most. . As we said, he is not at all empathic, so he will not let himself be softened by your sadness, he will continue to exploit it to feel more powerful and demonstrate psychological superiority towards you.
And if you try to get away, he will return to the charge with an "unexpected kindness, re-enacting the typical attitudes of the initial phase of conquest. Don't fall for it! It won't last long. The time to recreate the usual sadistic game. When he will still have you in his clutches." , will resume criticizing and discrediting you, until the next turn. It is an endless circle destined to continue forever. Yes, because with the "narcissistic man there is no solution": his inability to love and be loved cannot be changed with attitudes or words. Indeed, the more you show understanding and kindness, the more he will take advantage of it by making you fall lower and lower. For a narcissist to change, a deep and continuous path of psychological analysis is necessary. So don't waste your time and energy and dedicate yourself to a better and healthier story.
The narcissistic man comes back! Watch out ...
As we said, a typical characteristic of the narcissistic man is the inability to close stories and bonds. Also due to his insecurity and the need for confirmation, the affective manipulator cannot accept the idea that someone does not want him or that he forgets about him, so he will do everything he can not to lose you. Even when you think you have escaped, he will come back. somehow with a message, a call or a very simple gesture with which he hopes to be able to keep you connected to him. It is therefore essential to acquire personal security and sufficient self-esteem to be ready not to fall into these small and petty tricks that reveal only his need of confirmations and possession towards you.
How to Treat a Narcissistic Man: Methods for Surviving a Narcissus
If you have the misfortune of already being in a relationship with a narcissistic man, we offer you some life-saving ideas to put in place in the hope of getting rid of it as soon as possible. The important thing is to reach a state of impermeability that allows you not to accuse the blows inflicted by him, including the sense of guilt, the inadequacy, the lowering of your self-esteem.
Do not rely on his words and promises: he will disappoint you. So if he gives you commitments, don't count on it too much. Keep a plan B so you can fold back without getting angry. He would enjoy seeing you dissatisfied with having blown your plans: catch him off guard and show him that you are not at his feet and do not depend on him.
Don't be touched by his criticisms: always remember who they come from. It is a person with a false perception of reality. Therefore, these are nonsense and not at all objective considerations.
Affirm your self, not being swayed by its requests and considerations, even if it tries to make you feel guilty. Show yourself firm in expressing your opinion, and do not retract if it is followed by complaints and attempts at psychological sabotage. You have the full right to do what you wish and you must not submit to any direct or implicit orders.
Do not try to change it in any way: you will not succeed. Just keep the damage as low as possible and try to get away to break this endless and grueling game.
How to turn away a narcissistic man: the right attitude to escape a manipulator
The only way to get rid of a narcissistic man is to rely on your strength and commit yourself. The front on which to act is to become aware of yourself, to value yourself and demand healthy love and not to submit to petty psychological games that put a strain on your physical and mental health.
You cannot rely on him. You simply have to acknowledge that it is not possible to have a healthy relationship with such a man. So, start by loving yourself more: you deserve a man who values and respects you. Keeping this assumption in mind, you can start correcting your behavior: stop feeling guilty, feeling inadequate and wanting to change everyone costs a man Focus only on yourself and your well-being, do the things you like and don't worry about looking for a man: the right person will find you just when you start to love yourself and bring you the respect you deserve.
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