Toxic masculinity: what is the fear of not being real men
A woman must take care of her image. He takes care of the house, the children and, if he can, he also goes to work. He is a sensitive, delicate and fragile being. A man, on the other hand, in the standard order of things must aim for a career. The professional tasks and responsibilities are on the agenda and at the heart of his life. When the working day ends, then he can go to his family where he finds his wife and children to wait for him. A man is a strong individual, confident in himself and his abilities, with an independent spirit.
How many times have we read or seen situations of this kind? At the dawn of the second decade of the twenty-first century, the disparity between men and women is still deeply rooted in the mentality of many, too many people. This conception takes a very specific name, that of toxic masculinity.
What is meant by toxic masculinity
In a 2019 New York Times article, it is claimed that toxic masculinity is "A set of behaviors and beliefs that include suppressing emotions, masking discomfort or sadness, maintaining an appearance of stoicism, and violence as an indicator of power (think of 'tough man' behavior)". In short, the so-called toxic masculinity it consists of that "set of unwritten rules that push every man to maintain certain attitudes that preclude sensitivity, weakness and fragility. A man cannot be vulnerable: to emerge, he must always show himself up to any situation, without fear or qualms."
The term "toxic masculinity" comes directly from the Eighties, when the American psychologist Sheperd Bliss began to study the different forms of masculinity, focusing precisely on the one prevailing in patriarchal societies. In this social model, this conception crystallizes the gender differences between men and women. Very often, it is precisely this fact that explains the cases of frequent violation of the rights of the latter and the episodes of violence that we still hear about too often in the world.
The traces of toxic masculinity in modern society
Although progress has been made in recent years, we cannot say that we are outside a society permeated by toxic masculinity. Just think how many children and young people are still brought up with the myth of "real men". A real man does not cry, he does not need help, he knows how to be respected by his friends and his partner, he has certain interests and only some hobbies, because others are considered to be "sissies". Not following this code of conduct questions the manhood of the boy in question and the image he gives of himself to others.
Likewise, on the other hand, women must be educated, have motherhood and family life as their primary purpose. In a stereotype of this type, any woman loves dance, pink, has a sensitive soul that must be protected and it is more suited to certain professions than others. Here, the key to toxic masculinity consists precisely in this, in the affirmation that the masculine cannot be fragile and vulnerable just as the feminine cannot be strong. In this vision, man dominates society and it is not surprising to see that in 2021 males occupy more frequently the most prominent and prominent positions in companies and in the workplace.
As we have said, this disparity is a cultural legacy of centuries of misogynist culture that is hard to eliminate entirely. Its effects and signals are everywhere, even if we don't pay attention to them. Let's think, for example, of when we enter a children's toy store: how clear is the difference between games reserved for boys and those designed for girls?
Growing up with such cultural models is harmful both to society and to man himself. It is no coincidence that toxic masculinity often takes on misogyny and homophobia that promote violent behavior such as sexual abuse or femicide or, precisely, homophobic episodes in against individuals of the LGBT community because they are perceived as different and as "an affront" to being manly.
Toxic masculinity vs sexual orientation
Often there is a risk of confusion between the fight against toxic masculinity and the affirmation, instead, of one's sexual orientation. toxic masculinity it means eliminating all those gender stereotypes that also affect the inequality of rights between men and women. A society devoid of any form of toxic masculinity would no longer see some manly attitudes at the expense of others, would no longer tell a boy not to cry or show himself vulnerable in view of a Nietzschean superman prototype. A male individual can renounce this code of conduct at all times, regardless of his or her sexual orientation.
In fact, it is precisely on this issue that misunderstandings can arise: toxic masculinity is not strictly linked to "sexual orientation. We can say that at the basis of homophobia and toxic masculinity there is the same root: heterosexism, that is the culture that prevents the male from being anything other than heterosexual.
Celebrities against the toxic masculinity
The battle against toxic masculinity is now also central in the world of entertainment and fashion. Already forty "years ago, figures such as David Bowie or Freddie Mercury undermined gender stereotypes by pushing towards the" ambiguous "and" androgynous culture ".
As far as the fashion world is concerned, the designer Alessandro Michele of Gucci is giving a powerful boost in this sense: his collections aim to promote the image of a different man, overcoming the age-old barriers between masculine and feminine. Shirts with sparkling bows, velvet flared trousers and embroidered jackets alternate on the catwalks worn by both models and models. More and more stars are choosing Gucci style and posing as true icons of masculinity 2.0: from the chameleon Jared Leto to our Achille Lauro, from the "charming Timothée Chalamet to the much appreciated Harry Styles, these are just some of the more high-sounding examples.
In this regard, Harry Styles himself appeared on the cover of Vogue US last December wearing a "woman's" dress. Thus, the singer-actor was not only the first man to be on the front page of the famous magazine, but he also gave a strong message to all those who still today believe that certain clothes are only feminine and vice versa.
Finally, the commercial of the famous brand of razors Gillette was also important in this sense, which in 2019 changed the classic plot of advertisements of this type, giving an unprecedented version of the theme "the best of a man".
The best phrases about virility, femininity and toxic masculinity
We conclude with a part entirely dedicated to the most beautiful and meaningful phrases in terms of virility and femininity, which help us to reflect on how important it is to fight the legacies of toxic masculinity every day to live in a social condition free of stereotypes and in full equality of rights and opportunities.
It is fatal to be a pure and simple man or woman: one must be a virile woman or a feminine man.
Virginia Woolfe
What's feminine and what's masculine, what men are wearing and what women are wearing - it's like there are no lines anymore.
What is feminine and what is masculine, what men wear and what women - it is as if there are no more borders now.
Harry Styles
What is most beautiful in many virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in women with femininity is something masculine.
Susan Sontag
But by far the worst thing we do to males - by making them feel they have to be hard - is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is.
The worst thing we do to males - forcing them to be strong - is that we leave them with fragile egos. The stronger a man feels he has to be, the weaker his ego is.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
