Falling in love
A deep affection
Falling in love can be defined as a deep affection that pushes those who try it to seek intimacy with their loved one. Of course, the intensity of this feeling varies from one person to another: it can be weak, strong or even obsessive and difficult to control. The beginning of a love manifests itself with some unmistakable signs: your heart beats at a thousand per hour, you have a lump in your throat, sweaty hands and you are pervaded by immense happiness at the mere thought or sight of the person you love. . These are the clues that help us distinguish love from a simple friendship.
The mechanisms of love
See also
How the lover in love behaves: a lover who loves you ultimately chooses you
Psychiatrists and psychoanalysts say that falling in love does not happen by chance: our unconscious chooses the one who can satisfy us. His face, his voice, his gestures ... are elements that will awaken distant emotional memories, such as the bond with the mother, as if it were a saving regression. Because, everyone knows, when you are in love, emotions are more intense, euphoria and addiction develop and reality becomes as beautiful as a daydream ... it often happens that sight and hearing also focus on that. that we seek. There is a tendency to minimize the defects of the other and to project our ideals and desires onto him. On the other hand, it is said that love is blind ...! This feeling can also change our behavior: we become much more tolerant and patient towards the loved one. Freud said that women with low self-esteem can change personalities and interests depending on the partner ...
The physical upheavals
Researchers have also studied this sentiment. In addition to feeling a deep desire for emotional security and physical pleasure, the body is also subjected to hormonal upheavals. Endorphins, luliberin, oxytocin and, above all, testosterone, the hormone that is the protagonist of sexual desire ... all these molecules are produced abundantly during amorous encounters and cause disinhibition and a strong desire for caresses and cuddles. All this causes the production of dopamine, a true carrier of motivation.
The differences between men and women
All these emotions and these released hormones are almost identical in both sexes. However, the perception of the feeling changes.
In men the sexual dimension is more present. In other words, testosterone tends to take precedence over objectivity, the ability to reflect and the system of values.
In women, things work very differently. If emotions (and in particular those related to the sexual sphere) are present, the love feeling has more the effect of a "drug". Contact with your loved one can awaken a woman's entire emotional system. And as soon as the partner is not there, the abandonment syndrome appears.
How long does love last?
At first, falling in love is caused by passion (mutual or not). But passion is ephemeral. Scientists and psychiatrists agree that the state of falling in love, on average, lasts only three years. This does not mean that it suddenly disappears afterwards! But it takes another form, closer to tenderness, mutual respect and the desire to carry out common projects (the home, the children). After passion comes rationality, the desire for stability. But sexual fulfillment persists.
One question remains: will falling in love, once finished, ever return? Opinions are divided. How to find that state of lightness and bliss with a person who has disappointed us or even betrayed us? It depends on the individual experience and the real reasons that caused the separation.
Falling in love is essential to feel satisfied, both physically and emotionally. Meeting true love more than once in your life is possible, but the hardest thing is to keep a love alive in everyday life. Taking care of the other, continually arousing desire and having interests in common: these are the secrets of lasting love.
