Affective addiction: causes, symptoms and how to get out of it
Anyone who has ever fallen in love knows that in the first moments you share with your partner you would like to become a "single entity. You try to establish a good relationship of complicity and harmony, feeling an instinctive attachment to that newly born relationship. This frenzy is such. enthusiasm diminish over time, in an absolutely normal way. However, when this does not happen and, on the contrary, the dependence of only one partner on the other increases exponentially, then we are faced with that psychological state defined as dysfunctional affective addiction.
Therefore, if at the beginning of a love story a kind of addiction is considered more than normal, after the phase of the love idyll it becomes a condition to which we must pay attention. All this can occur especially in the presence of a so-called partner. "narcissist", or a person who tends to prevail over the other with his desires and needs, exercising a more or less evident control over the mind of those around him.
This is why it is important to be able to recognize if your relationship falls within the field of "toxic relationships" and if you are experiencing a relationship that has led to a real addiction. It is considered similar to drug or alcohol addictions, because those who suffer from it find that "substance" as a reason for living, in this case the "pseudo love" for the partner.
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The causes of emotional dependence
Let's start by saying that no one can be completely immune from emotional addiction and we are not just talking about what occurs at the beginning of a relationship, but what experts define as "dysfunctional". In general, the characteristics of those who suffer of affective dependence correspond in part to those of Dependent Personality Disorder.For these people, in fact, their self-esteem, personality and self-esteem are linked to the presence of a solid and stable relationship.
Behind these disorders, there are causes that can lead to this condition more easily than others. Most of the causes of emotional dependence date back to the addict's childhood period.
- Overprotected (former) children: even today, many parents make the mistake of substituting for their children in making decisions. All of this has repercussions in adulthood. Thus, most affective employees are found to be unable to act independently and need to consult someone who essentially tells them what to do.
- Those who have suffered the trauma of abandonment: perceiving the sense of abandonment since childhood leads to two extremely different behaviors.The first is that of the lack of trust in others and an inevitable rejection of ties, while the second is that of the almost morbid attachment to the partner, accepting anything in order not to have to live the umpteenth separation.
- Those who cannot be alone: this characteristic can be independent from the childhood of the emotional addict. In fact, many people in adulthood have serious difficulties in being alone and, therefore, tend to rely exclusively on and attach themselves to the partner despite the risks that this entails. Knowing that you are in a relationship - although it may be considered toxic and brings little or no happiness at all - is enough to allay the emotional addicts' fear of living without someone by their side.
Know if you suffer from emotional dependence: the symptoms
Affective dependence can become a semi-pathological condition when the relationship one is carrying on is seen as the only reason behind one's life. To recognize if you suffer from this psychological state, there are a series of symptoms that is possible locate.
- Priority is given to the partner's emotions, leaving out their own: it is true that when the happiness of one's partner also becomes ours, then we can speak of true love. However, you must never lose sight of your feelings and emotions, because when this happens it means that you are completely canceling yourself out for "another person."
- You cannot make decisions independently: making every choice, from the most important to the most trivial, is impossible if you do not have the approval of your partner.
- When you are away from your partner you live in the anxiety of being able to lose him: a person dependent from an emotional point of view considers his partner essential to maintain his psychic balance and does not tolerate distance, because this causes a constant fear of being abandoned .
- You no longer dedicate time to yourself: this fact is directly linked to not tolerating distance from your partner. Thus, the time spent alone, which is essential for a healthy and non-toxic relationship, is drastically reduced or completely eliminated, and one's personal needs are no longer satisfied, in terms of recreational activities or going out with friends.
- Self-esteem depends on the judgment of the other: the personality of the person suffering from emotional dependence is eclipsed with respect to the partner and so does his self-confidence.
- Always take the blame: when you make a decision without consulting the other, you are assailed by feelings of guilt. Likewise, you take responsibility for any negative event or situation.
- Not being able to disagree with others: This happens because an addicted person doesn't feel important enough to make their own judgment.
How to get out of a situation of emotional dependence
Depending on the case and the severity of pressure suffered during the life of a couple, to get out of a condition of emotional dependence there is a need for a path to be faced partly alone and partly supported by a specialist, through psychotherapy.
1. Recognize and accept what one has experienced
As with all addictions, the first step to take in order to get out of that loop it consists in their recognition. Understanding and admitting that you are the victim of an addiction, in this emotional case, is essential to start a job with and on yourself and ask for help. The emotional addict may almost instinctively seek relationships with people who overwhelm him and who do not treat him as he deserves. Thus, it is necessary to begin to recognize this situation, accept it and begin a research on why this happens.
2. Learn to be alone
Whatever the underlying causes that have led to a condition of addiction, it is clear that those who suffer from it find particular difficulties in remaining in solitude. Being alone causes these people a kind of disturbance, which can turn into fear, anxiety and anguish. All this makes them feel the need to "attach themselves" to someone else, with the risks that this entails. To get out of it, the emotional addict must learn not to live by reflected light, but to self-determine. To do this, he must spend time alone with himself and see loneliness not as a nightmare, but as a chance to fully know his inner self.
3. Research the causes that led to addiction
Above all, this last phase must not be faced alone but with the help of an expert in the psychotherapy process. Maybe you have fallen into emotional dependence because you have a "wrong idea of love", due to stereotypes that you have since childhood. Or, it happened because of abandonment or because you are not able to manage in a way correct their emotions. Once the reason behind these types of behaviors has been revealed, it will be easier to work on one's self-esteem and on the assertiveness of one's personality and thoughts, as well as modifying the erroneous conceptions that one has of love and relationships.
