Psychological violence against women: how to recognize it and how to get out of it
The data of recent years on the phenomenon of femicide are clear: women are too often victims of heinous violence, in most cases, perpetrated by those who say they love them. In fact, more than half the femicides committed by violent and unable to love men, linked to the victim by a romantic relationship, whether they are husbands or cohabitants, boyfriends or ex boyfriends, as this video tells us.
But the type of violence that the female gender undergoes is not only of a physical type: there is another form of maltreatment, more subtle and therefore less visible, which is the psychological one, very often not recognized, denied or even hidden. In fact, there are many women who live toxic relationships thinking that they are the normality of relationships, unaware of being inside a dysfunctional couple dynamic. But how can we understand if we are suffering psychological violence from our partner? find some useful information to recognize it, together with the methods to be used to try to get out of a situation of psychological violence.
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Are you a victim of psychological violence? The signs to understand it
To understand if you are experiencing emotional abuse from your partner, you need to pay attention to the attitudes he assumes every day in your everyday life and the ways in which he relates to you. If he takes you into consideration, respects you, demonstrates his love concretely and values your needs and desires, respecting them. Often, however, it is easier to analyze the situation "negatively": that is, to verify that there are no anomalous and dysfunctional behaviors that are classified as psychological violence. Below we list some disturbed attitudes that a partner who exerts emotional abuse on his partner performs on a daily basis.
1. Continuous devaluation
The partner who exerts psychological violence on the partner tends to devalue her continuously. From simple criticisms of clothing or make-up, to heavy and denigrating considerations, with real insults, on his person, his work, his way of living or interacting with others. Continuous criticism and humiliation, completely free and unfounded , which unfortunately the woman perceives as truthful, starting to doubt herself and her worth. What the partner puts in place is a petty tactic - which undoubtedly stems from a low self-esteem and a total inability to love and be loved - with the purpose of making you feel inadequate and not height, so that you are even more connected and dependent on him.
2. Tactics of silence
Silence also represents a very powerful emotional abuse. It is in fact a sneaky and petty way of unleashing a sense of guilt and inadequacy in you with the simple means of indifference. things like before. Indifference and non-communication do nothing but cause anxiety, discomfort and profound insecurity in the woman: it is another way for the man to dominate and manipulate his partner by playing with his emotions.
3. Passive-aggressive attitudes
Passive-aggressive attitudes are among the most subtle and unsettling tactics that the emotional manipulator prefers to exert dominance over the partner. Very close to silence, these ambiguous and unclear behaviors are nothing more than ways to displace and undermine the woman, so as not to make her feel in control of herself and increase her dependence. Half sentences, irritated tones for no reason, indifference, low mood and long faces: these are all non-explicit tactics to alarm the partner and make her believe she is guilty of some negative gesture. Again, the result is the same: the woman feels guilty, inadequate and insecure, she doubts herself and her self-esteem is at the expense.
4. The victim's game
Often the emotional abuse is expressed in a subtle way: the victim's game. The manipulator, in fact, can play the role of the victim to unload all the blame and responsibilities on the other, obtaining the same result again: having the situation in hand and discredit the partner who will feel inadequate and increasingly dependent on him. Generally, in fact, the partner, endowed with great empathy, will not be able to help but give in to these sneaky blackmail, actually thinking that she is the executioner and putting in place a series of situations with the aim of regaining her trust.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is the sensation of dizziness that the partner causes to the partner with the intent of making her doubt herself, her memory and her perception. How does it happen? Simply with words. The partner uses a clever and subtle communication strategy that it has the purpose of confusing the woman and making her believe she is crazy. The name not by chance means a bombardment of lights and fog that cause a real daze and the consequent loss of the ability to make a lucid and objective analysis.
6. Pathological jealousy
Generally, a man who engages in emotional abuse on his partner suffers from an insane jealousy that is not justified by objective data.It is in fact an instinctive reaction that arises from a deep insecurity and that manifests itself as a true obsession. This attitude stems from a wrong perception of the love relationship: the man thinks he can exercise dominion and possession over his partner, not considering her as a woman but as his property. In concrete terms, this pathological jealousy manifests itself with exaggerated reactions and behaviors. obsessive that make a woman's life impossible, once again undermining her safety and making her feel guilty and inadequate.
7. Discrediting of people close to the partner
A direct consequence of the previous point is the partner's attempt to discredit all the people around the partner. The result is a real isolation of the woman, who only worsens her situation and undermines her self-esteem and security even more.
8. Threats and ongoing blackmail
As if that were not enough, we often get to real threats, implicit or explicit, which do nothing but further exacerbate the situation, throwing the woman into total despair. After having implemented all the previous tactics, the partner can count on one thing: the woman feels weakened and completely lost, so much so that she falls again into the trap of blackmail. Thinking that she is worthless and that she is completely alone and unwanted, she can only accept all the conditions and fear loneliness more than anything else, going so far as to give in to threats and to satisfy him again in his every desire and whim.
Manipulation and emotional abuse: narcissists
In most cases, partners who exert psychological violence on their partner suffer from narcissistic personality wounds. These are men who have suffered emotional trauma during childhood and who in adulthood are not able to establish a healthy relationship, based on normal couple dynamics that provide for a mutual and respectful exchange of love, attention and affection. The favorite victim of narcissists is a sensitive and attentive woman, able to satisfy all her requests and to fall into her traps because of her compassionate spirit. The mix between a narcissist and an empath is in fact one of the most harmful and deleterious and it can lead to a true psychological and moral annihilation of the woman, with repercussions also on her state of physical health.
Psychological violence: how to react and get out of it
To get out of a situation of psychological violence you need awareness and love for yourself. There are no better weapons than self-love and the awareness of being in a harmful situation from which there is only one solution: escape. We will not sweeten the pill too much with false hopes and catchphrases, because the only thing to do in a situation of emotional abuse is to leave the person in question and start from yourself. Of course, you don't have to expect to fix things in one day and enact sudden and immediate revolutions. Go step by step and above all, learn to ask for help. Admitting that you need support is an act of extreme courage and awareness to be proud of. Here are some tips on the attitudes to adopt to try to get out of a situation of psychological violence:
- acknowledge that you have a problem and address it: the first step is undoubtedly to stop minimizing and denying that you have a problem, but to recognize it and start addressing it.
- talk to someone about it and learn to ask for help: turn to people you trust, let off steam with them and you will lighten your emotional burden, which is difficult to bear: you will immediately find relief even just by sharing your pains. Rely on experts who know how to speak to you in the right way and direct you on the right path to recovery. This is not only the best way to get out of it, but it also allows you to lighten the responsibilities towards yourself: you have always been used to doing everything by yourself, to carry all the weight on your shoulders and always worry about others, let someone have take care of you and help you to find your serenity, speeding up your healing process.
- Start from yourself and focus on your needs and desires: put yourself first. You have always been at the bottom of the list, now completely dedicated to yourself. Indulge your needs and desires, dedicate yourself to the things you like and make you feel good. Make a list of everything you love and that allows you to be calm and find a way to include it in your daily life.
- work on your self-esteem: learn to remember what you are worth, all the good things you have done, the results you have achieved and the projects you want to achieve in the future. Take a pen and paper and draw up lists that remind you concretely how important you are to yourself: writing on paper helps to better focus on aspects and to give substance to thoughts, making them more real and concrete.
- leave the person in question: you probably don't want to hear this, but it is important that you know that first of all you have to think about your well-being and your serenity. A man who exerts psychological violence on you can never make you happy and love you in the right way. With a lot of love for yourself and the help of the right people, you will be able to take this step as well.
