Borderline personality in love: the borderline subject and the couple relationship
The borderline personality in love is not easy to manage: whirlwinds of emotions and harmful behaviors of the border subject, alongside the fear of abandonment and anger. An ups and downs of emotions that can really hurt when present.Of course, love itself is made up of ups and downs, intense passion and equally intense quarrels. But we are people before couples, rather than lovers, and compromise is not easy for everyone. So it is completely normal if in certain moments of our relationship as a couple there are peaks of instability, fears, or conditions of imbalance that can affect the feeling of well-being of the couple. But beware of emotional addictions, you recognize them like this, look:
But in addition to emotional addictions, a personality disorder can come into play that is often not diagnosed with due attention. Let's talk about borderline disorder that in love can have its "negative" effects and create many problems for the person next to him. But what is it about? How do we recognize a borderline personality and how can we proceed to help it? Let's find out together but be careful: if there are suspicions or dangerous dysfunctional attitudes of the person, it is always good to consult a specialist.
See also
What is borderline personality disorder in love?
Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder) in love it is precisely a disorder that affects the personality and above all the ability to have stable and serene interpersonal relationships. About 3% of the population suffer from it, of which 75% are female. It has some traits that, if taken individually or if considered in their "mild" form, make it difficult to diagnose BPD in its entirety but rather lead to believe that the person has problems related to the lack of personal balance or the ability to have social relationships normal. In reality, the subject with borderline personality disorder will have serious love relationship problems, so it is also good that the partner is also aware of what situations he will face in order to act better and support the loved one. The help of a psychotherapist is essential to allow the borderline person to live a better life.
Borderline personality in love: how to recognize it?
There are some distinctive borderline traits, especially in love relationships, but we would like to specify that each disorder must be evaluated and diagnosed by an expert or specialist, able to guide the person towards the right path. That said, a person with disorder of borderline personality in love will have an elusive, inconstant, self-harming, destructive behavior. They will react disproportionately to events that are normal for us. They are extremely changeable people, and go from an "I love you and I will forever" to a "You hate, go away "in a few minutes. Specifically, there are quite recognizable dysfunctional attitudes. The symptoms of a borderline personality are:
- impulsive and sudden changes in emotions and behaviors
- inconstancy in interpersonal and emotional relationships
- constant fear of abandonment, indeed terror
- extreme jealousy and an attempt to obsessively control the partner
- dangerous and self-punishing behaviors
- attack of healthy relationships as they stabilize out of fear of abandonment
- manifestation of a disproportionate malaise to attract attention to oneself
In short, as you will notice, this disorder has various symptoms and is very disabling for those who live it, but also for those around them. Getting help from a psychotherapist or a specialist can be essential for individuals but also for the couple.
What does a borderline think and want?
A borderline person lives in a constant whirlwind of emotions that affect their behavior and their entire life. He lives in confusion, he suffers from the fear of abandonment, but he also feels a lot of anger for reasons not understandable to all. An anger that rises rapidly upwards and often finds vent in the wrong way and directed towards people who have nothing to do with it. see with the cause of that anger. Because the emotions of the borderline personality are amplified by an altered and often self-defeating mental state. The fear of losing their loved one pushes them to compromise a healthy and stable relationship. Stability itself sends them into the ball precisely because for them stability means the possibility of being abandoned. It seems paradoxical? It is, stability generally gives us security. not if the fear of abandonment takes over reality and pushes the borderline to ruin everything rather than live it. And who to blame if not with who is on the other side of that relationship? The borderline demands great, constant attention from the partner, to the point of manifesting a disproportionate discomfort in order to be at the center of the other's attention. then he will want to punish him, perhaps for a misinterpreted work message, or a phone call from a relative read as that of a lover, even though it is not true. The obsessive jealousy will push him to control his partner for everything, and also to punish him psychologically , with non-existent and often very heavy accusations.In short, the borderline personality in love is complex and delicate, so you must always ask for support from a specialist.
What does the partner feel of a borderline personality in love?
A borderline's disorders and behaviors affect their partner's life and emotions in an important way. Abandonment syndrome, rapidly mounting anger, mental confusion, fear of being betrayed will also affect the mental and emotional stability of the partner. But how does the partner of a borderline personality feel? Here are some symptoms:
- always not at the height of satisfying the requests and needs of the partner
- oppressed by constant jealousy
- used, manipulated, abused
- always questioned as a partner and as a person
- he will sacrifice his own needs to make his partner feel good
In short, it is not an easy relationship with a borderline personality but the partner can implement some strategies to carry it forward and to protect himself.
Borderline personality in love: how to behave?
If your partner has borderline personality disorder and all of the above dysfunctional attitudes towards you, there are some strategies you can apply to get better. Also remember one very important thing: if you feel overwhelmed and feel bad about this relationship, you don't have to stay there. You have not signed a life contract with this person, much less can you be guided by feelings of guilt or fear of his reactions. Whether you decide to stay or leave, ask for help from a specialist who will be able to guide you.
Strategies for dealing with a borderline personality:
- Intense emotions of the borderline correspond to a loss of rationality: however difficult, try not to react or fight back.
- Explain to him that you have limits: I would be by his side, but you cannot do more than you already do.
- Don't try to change it: that's it, it's not up to you. If you can't handle it or are exhausted, you have the right to leave.
- Accept that you may still be hurt. It's still.
- Don't forget that change happens slowly.
Only the help of a psychotherapist can support you in this complex path full of ups and downs.
