Erectile dysfunction: what a woman feels

Erectile deficit (or erectile dysfunction, ED) affects over 3 million Italians, and a third of those who suffer from it are under the age of 40. Going to the specialist for many men still remains a taboo today, and talking about it with your partner to deal with it together is very difficult. Contacting your Doctor and Andrologist, and also consulting the Psychologist - Sexologist, remains the safest and most effective solution. Portal of Health, with the Uomoinsalute.it project dedicated to male health at 360 °, offers a free online desk to which the Andrologist answers, to clarify doubts, fears, and find the first answer to your questions.

But in the case of erection problems, what can a woman do and how can she manage the emotional wave that hits her, together with her partner? Let's try to understand better with the help of the experts of Portal della Salute, Dr. Andrea Garolla, Specialist in Clinical Pharmacology and Doctor of Endocrine Sciences A.O. University of Padua and Dr. Stefano Angelini, Clinical Psychologist, Sexologist of the Hospital of the University of Padua.

The fears and emotions that affect a woman

When erectile difficulties arise, regardless of whether it is psychological or physiological in nature, the reactions and emotions that affect a woman can be very different. For example, the fear of being the cause. “The resulting emotional distress is often experienced in such a profound way that it can compromise one's self-esteem”, explains Dr. Angelini. The fear of a diminished femininity, of being uninteresting in the eyes of one's man, are the fears that most typically emerge. In addition to these, fear of being betrayed or, even worse, abandoned can follow. In other cases, the woman may experience anger and frustration at the impossibility of sexual encounters and attributes all responsibility to the partner, expecting him to deal with the problem as soon as possible.

Understanding and recognizing a discomfort "in him"

Women who have a good relationship with their sexuality, on the other hand, are able to focus on the fact that it is the man who is in difficulty, not themselves, and recognize an episode of erectile deficit as a sign of emotional or relational distress in him. This happens for example when a couple is at the beginning of their relationship and finds themselves experiencing the first relationships, which can be experienced by the man as a test to be sustained in order to be accepted and "chosen".

Will we be "compatible"? The "design" of destiny ...

Doubts about compatibility and sexual understanding assail all couples who have recently met and the answer if one is made for one another is also sought through intimacy. We can accept the idea of ​​not being compatible with anyone, but when it happens to "not be" in bed, the frustration is all the greater the more we are interested in the other, Dr. Angelini points out. In these situations the woman does not attribute responsibility for the problem either to herself or to her partner, but to fate or to a "design" of destiny. Sometimes the woman chooses to rely on this sign and then abandons the relationship, other times, when she is very interested in the man she meets, she shows understanding and willingness to put her partner at ease so that, over time, the couple reaches a good sexual understanding.

If the cause is not psychological ...

But if the cause is not psychological, what other factors come into play? Today, as Dr. Andrea Garolla, Andrologist Specialist at the University of Padua explains, "erection defects are increasingly not seen as an independent disease, but as a symptom of other problems that can affect the entire body. In this case, the role of the Specialist in identifying the diagnosis and therefore the correct therapeutic approach is fundamental ".
And so is that of the woman, “who can to encourage and push the man to face a problem that touches him so much but equally embarrasses him, to the point of continuing to postpone the first contact with a professional, or to minimize it with his partner ", explains Dr. Angelini.

What are the organic causes of erectile dysfunction?

Dr. Garolla explains that in addition to advancing age - in itself an independent risk factor - in most cases ED is caused by multiple risk factors. Vascular and metabolic pathologies are among the most common, and we find atheriosclerosis, hypertension, obesity, diabetes, high levels of cholesterol (hypercholesterolemia) and fat in the blood (hypertriglyceridemia). In fact, these are elements that can reduce the flow of blood not only to the heart or brain, leading to heart attack and stroke, but also to the penis, causing erectile dysfunction.

Erectile dysfunction as an "alibi" for a woman's sexual problem

Although not very frequent, Dr. Angelini explains that sometimes the erectile deficit of the partner is experienced by some women as a sort of liberation from having to indulge an unwanted experience. There are relationships in which a woman, due to her personal nature, dissatisfaction, difficulty with sex, or loss of desire due to various reasons, experiences the loss of sexuality as a way to "get out" of a dynamic of oppression. Reassured by the fact that there is no expectation, or at least, demand for this from the partner. The emergence of erectile dysfunction relieves the need to fake the classic headache or postpone due to tiredness, commitments or lack of desire. In these cases, the woman's expectation is aimed at a relationship of peaceful coexistence, where physicality is no longer necessary, if not relegated to affective gestures such as hugs or cuddles.

Infidelity: ED as a "solution" to the problem

When you experience situations of infidelity or "excessive" attention to other subjects, the emergence of an erectile problem becomes a sort of "reassurance" for the woman, thus experiencing the problem as a solution to the relational crisis. The illness of the other could favor a return to the attention towards her, which she previously received exclusively and which, over time, have been diverted elsewhere. In addition to this, ED can represent a protective factor towards a possible separation, concludes Dr. Angelini, since a man with this problem would hardly propose himself to another woman.

Specialists recommend that you contact your doctor to start any diagnostic tests as soon as possible and therefore find the most suitable therapeutic approach, be it psychological or pharmacological. Often, dialogue is the basis of every solution, starting from within the couple.

Made in collaboration with Portal della Salute e Uomoinsalute.it