Violent men: how to recognize them? The signs not to be underestimated
Violent or potentially violent men exist and there are not a few. Even in Italy, where the figures on violence against women are always very high, men are guilty of crimes against women, such as stalking, sexual violence, up to femicide. But how do you recognize a man capable of violence? What are the characteristics and signs that should not be underestimated? We find out with the contribution of a psychologist, Elena Giulia Montorsi.
Femicide: the data in a video
Before examining all forms of violence by man against woman, it is necessary to consider all the data on femicide. A widespread and worrying phenomenon in front of which we must never let our guard down. Watch the video to be more aware of the facts. risks and to give your contribution to change things, with denunciation and courage!
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Violent men: gestures and phrases
Starting with physical violence, which is the most obvious, all the following actions are defined as violence: pushing, pulling, twisting the arm, hair pulling, slapping, kicking, biting, punching. Added to this are the use of a knife or a pistol, attempted strangulation, suffocation and burns. Even a single slap, perhaps given in a single moment of anger, is to be considered violence. According to our psychologist, victims tend to minimize what happened, especially if the man apologizes immediately after the violent act. Victims often hope that things will sort themselves out. What are the phrases that are heard most often in these cases? The typical "violent man" excuses are: "love sorry I was angry, I did not want", "darling I love you, it was a terrible act, I will never do it again", "love you must understand that with your behavior you provoked me, I have wrong, but I'm a man and men get angry "and ultimately the most used and that includes both physical and psychological violence," if I'm angry there is a reason and it's only your fault and then anyone would agree with me ".
Psychology in couples after violence
According to Dr. Montorsi, these men apologize and lead their women to feel guilty about what happened, as if the deepest part of the victims thought that in the end the husband is not to blame for what he did. These women slowly lose confidence in themselves and subconsciously hide and minimize the problem, failing to realize that violence is not permissible under any circumstances, and that there are responsible men who would respect and love them without ever dreaming of resorting to violence. .
Sexual violence
As far as sexual violence is concerned, we start from harassment, that is, having been touched without one's will, having had unwanted sexual intercourse, attempted rape, rape and humiliating and degrading sexual relations. In these cases the executioners can be not only partners, but also strangers or relatives such as the father, brother, uncle or grandfather. In these cases, the data in Italy assume that only 5% of the violence is reported.
Psychological violence
Psychological violence is just as disabling as physical violence, especially in the long run.This type of sneaky and petty violence includes verbal threats, the attempt to isolate the person from acquaintances, relatives and friends, excessive control and the ban on going out alone or with people outside the partner, economic violence, the devaluation of the person, intimidation and continuous humiliation. The man uses all his power to suck the personal safety of his victim like a vampire, with phrases like: "Without me you are nothing", "you are nobody, you have not built anything in your life and nobody wants you. "," but did you look good in the mirror? "," you don't have a job, you're nobody "," you can't go out with your friends, I don't agree that you go around without me "," don't you can go out wearing makeup like this, I don't like you "," you are not dressed properly, no one has to look at you when you are out, you are only mine "," if you leave me you will not find anyone and you will always be alone, you will not find anyone like me ". Man tends to mentally possess his woman, the more he sees her as dependent, the more he gains security from all this. It is the most difficult to prove and especially for the victim himself it is difficult to notice as it is as if he were the prey of a spider in the center of the web where he feels helpless, but does not know how to get out.
How to save yourself from violent men
Those who love cannot and must not be an executioner at the same time, saying that love and violence can be together is a huge paradox. To save ourselves we must first of all realize what violence our man is carrying out and above all if he does it only with us or even with our children. Now you need a lot of courage and the awareness that outside that house you will certainly be better. Go to the Anti-violence Center of your city or call the Telefono Rosa, ask for help from relatives and friends for your personal safety. Because whether it is physical violence, sexual assault or psychological violence, no man must allow himself to use his strength and his alleged virility to dominate a woman and whoever does so must be punished.
