Zombieing: If someone comes back into your life when you least expect it
You know when in a TV series one of the main characters is officially given up for dead, only to return out of the blue a few seasons later, generating not a little dismay? Here, this phenomenon lends itself to clarifying the meaning of zombieing, a term that, together with the most well-known ghosting and orbiting, explains the dysfunctional relationships of the new millennium, governed by the social dynamics of the online era. In the course of this article , we will explain what this practice consists of, who the zombie is and why he behaves like this and how to react if what you considered a ghost comes back to visit you.
Before you read on, watch this video on emotional addictions.
The meaning
The term zombieing is an English neologism, coined for the first time by the writer Sophia Kercher, who spoke about it in the online magazine PrimaMind. Zombieing derives, in fact, from the word zombie, since he or she who carries out this practice behaves in a very similar way to a "living dead". It is a phenomenon whereby an individual suddenly disappears, without giving any explanation, and then reappears when you least expect it as nothing. The ambiguity of this attitude is mainly due to the total ease with which he disappears and reappears, "dies" and "rises again", without worrying in the least about what are the consequences of his unfriendly behavior. This noun becomes part of that new sentimental lexicon that lends itself to describing the love and social relationships of this millennium, where social networks have completely changed the way we approach others and there is an increasing need to find a name for phenomena previously unknown.
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Zombieing, ghosting and orbiting: what's the difference?
As just mentioned, this word is part of a whole terminology that refers to the love tactics implemented today in a relationship through digital means. The responsibility for certain behaviors is obviously not attributable to this type of instrumentation, but it is clear that with their advent, strategies such as zombieing, ghosting and orbiting have taken over. Since we have just revealed the meaning of zombieing, let's see in more detail what the other two relational modes consist of, in order to highlight the main differences and avoid confusion:
Ghosting: we talk about ghosting when the person we are dating, out of the blue and without giving any reason, disappears completely from circulation, sometimes even blocking us on social networks or deleting us from the address book. It may happen that he made himself heard or seen until the day before, only to then completely lose his tracks forever.
Orbiting: in this case, the partner, with whom everything seems to be going well, disappears from your life, but never completely disappears. Ignore messages and calls, but look at all your Instagram stories. He doesn't feel like embarking on a stable relationship, but he continues to like all your posts on Facebook. Basically, he enjoys orbiting around you although he isn't really interested in engaging with you.
The psychological profile of the zombie
In particular, what makes the victim of zombieing suffer is the total carelessness with which the partner decides now to escape, now to slip back into his life, without providing any kind of explanation or excuse. The zombie's behavior disturbs and shakes the person who witnessed his disappearance helpless and who now suddenly finds himself having to deal with an unexpected return. But why would anyone adopt such a mode of action within a bond of love or, possibly, friendship? What drives him to behave like this? Is it a studied strategy or a spontaneous and involuntary attitude? Below, we list the most frequent and plausible reasons why an individual comes to implement this behavior:
- Narcissism: it happens that the subject in question suffers from narcissistic personality disorder and carries out manipulative behaviors towards the former partner / partner. Therefore, a dysfunctional tactic such as zombieing would be aimed at regaining control over that particular person, especially once the aforementioned has now healed the “wounds” left by the previous abandonment, furthermore, this would explain the selfishness and the total absence of empathy that often hide behind this phenomenon.
- Boredom: a person, now missing, could decide to return to your life because, quite simply, they are bored and are looking for some form of entertainment to amuse them. Be careful, however, because in the long run he could also get bored of your relationship and decide again to close the chapter without warning.
- Selfishness: it is not always said that the zombie is a narcissist, more simply it could suffer from acute selfishness and get pleasure only when it is at the center of attention. If deprived of the considerations, cares and love it needs , he could knock on the door of the partner once snubbed and abandoned only to fill this void.
- Lack of sentimental education: there are cases in which unhappy relationships have at their origin a lack of sentimental education. Such a huge gap means that one does not know how to relate to others and has a completely distorted view of love, which would result in sentimentally damaging and harmful behaviors.
Although it is very rare, a person may have stepped aside for private matters that at that moment did not have the strength, the courage and the desire to share and, once resolved, is therefore back, driven by the desire to resume dating, as really interested. However, in a similar circumstance, in which zombieing would not be a tool of manipulation but simply the result of wrong timing, the one who retraces his steps must be able to provide sensible justifications and demonstrate seriously and, above all with constancy, one's own interest.
How to react
Each story is unique, so it is not easy to offer guidelines on how to behave in cases where you are ghosted and, after an unspecified time, the ghost comes back to life, more precisely in ours, when we least expect it and least we feel the need. At this point, anger starts and confusion takes over, so here's a first piece of advice: maintain dignity and lucidity. After all, no hasty decisions, if the other person is really interested in you and in recovering the relationship left unfinished, he will not be in a hurry to get an answer. Take your time to meditate on what to do and ask yourself if this is worthy of your love, a good so precious that it must be shared with extreme parsimony.
If, once you relive in your mind all the suffering that you have been forced to by a sudden and never uttered goodbye, you feel ready to dive into a relationship with this individual again, then go ahead, give him a second chance, but take all precautions. of the case: observe his behavior and keep your guard up. If, on the other hand, you think you deserve better and are not in favor of second chances, ignore the messages and calls, just like someone did before you.
