Envy: what it is and how to keep this emotion under control
Dante reserved a special place for the envious in his Purgatory and certainly envy is a feeling that has given a hard time even to philosophers, writers and psychologists. Because everyone is sometimes envious, but no one admits it. It is important, however. , knowing how to control this emotion so as not to be overwhelmed by suffering. And if you are jealous of your best friend from time to time, remember to tell her some nice things too, as explained in the video!
So is that feeling called envy
Envy is an unpleasant feeling that we feel when someone possesses a good or a quality that we would like to have too; often this emotion is accompanied by aversion and resentment for those who, on the other hand, possess what we do not have. In the Catholic religion, envy it is one of the seven deadly sins and Dante also talks about the Divine Comedy.
Envy is a so-called "secondary emotion" that is expressed in resentment towards one or more people. The origins of envy are complex, however at the base it can be recognized a certain tendency to self-pity, victimhood and low self-esteem.
The envious, in fact, crave something that they do not have (be it a quality or beauty, youth, wealth, ...) and that, instead, others possess and for this reason they believe that the world is unjust and cruel. with them. They experience a frustrated desire that can also become very dangerous because the suffering due to a losing confrontation with someone, in a sphere relevant to the person who feels envy, can generate resentment, malaise and inadequacy.
According to some psychology studies, envy is among the most rejected negative emotions because it contains within itself two unmentionable truths: the implicit admission of being inferior to another and the hidden attempt to harm him in order to get what he has. Envy, then, is often characterized by a sense of hidden hostility towards someone, meanness and a devious desire to cause harm. This feeling, present since the dawn of human history (do you remember the story of Abel and Cain?) Is traditionally linked to the look, in fact, we say "envious look". The word envy, in fact, derives from the Latin verb "videre", that is to see. For this reason Dante, in his Divine Comedy, places the envious in Purgatory, condemning them to live with their eyelids sewn with wire: a way, this, to atone for the guilt of their envious glances.
A peculiar feature of envy is that it is felt above all for those who are similar to us. It is difficult, in fact, to envy a super supermodel or an unknown billionaire, while it is much easier to feel this feeling towards a friend or colleague.
The target of our envy then becomes the people who are close to us: family members (very famous is the envy between brothers), friends and workmates.
Because we feel envious of someone
The Japanese researcher Hidehiko Takahashi has shown how feeling envy causes real physical suffering in the brain of those who feel it. Why, then, should we take on such a painful feeling, both for ourselves and for others? The answer perhaps lies in the fact that "envy is a" socially useful emotion in that it (just like fear) stimulates us to act and make decisions. That is, it triggers an alarm bell in us, making us understand that, within the social confrontation, we are losers.
Envy is the psychological mechanism which, by making us feel inferior to others, spurs us to reach the same goals.
How psychology interprets envy
Envy, although not among the emotions that psychologists consider fundamental, is of great importance in the life of individuals. In fact, it is a complex emotion that refers to values and self-image. The cause that triggers it (the so-called trigger) is the desire to possess that places a comparison between the subject who feels the feeling and who instead possesses the much sought-after quality.
Envy is frequently associated with emotions and feelings such as anger, victimhood, contempt, admiration, self-pity, indignation, self-depreciation, low self-interest and shame. Unfortunately, envy, in addition to being painful for those who feel it, can lead to aggressive actions aimed at damaging the envied person. In some cases, however, a passive attitude may emerge in which one gives up fighting for one's goals and accepts a general tendency to failure and self-pity.
Jealousy is an "emotion similar to envy because like this one feels already from the first contact with the family sphere, during childhood. However, it modifies the perception of reality in a different way and already has characteristics related to meaning. Rumination, however, is present in both feelings from the very first manifestations, as is the intense evil experienced by those who suffer from it. Those who feel jealous suffer as much as those who suffer from it, if not more, and are certainly a disorder that, if it becomes obsessive, must be investigated on a psychological level.
When envy becomes pathological
Feeling jealousy or envy is a common phenomenon but it can become pathological only in certain situations. According to psychoanalysis, children feel envy from an early age, while the scholar Melanie Klein believes that it is a fundamental emotion for the subsequent emotional-affective development of the child. In childhood, therefore, if envy is not excessive and if it is correctly processed, it is not a negative feeling.
However, it is when this emotion is removed, that is, when it is not recognized, that it can lead to experiencing dysfunctional states such as anxiety, guilt and frustration. Envy can become pathological when the thought he becomes rigid, obsessive and continuous: the comparison with the other leads to a feeling of self-devaluation which can lead to destructive behavior.
When envy is positive
According to some psychologists there would also be a "positive meaning in envy, an envy, that is," good "that would lead people to want to improve following a comparison with others in which they are losers. In good envy, therefore, there are some positive mechanisms that would lead to a healthy comparison, in which negative emotions and resentment do not find space. In this case, the feeling that emerges together with envy is admiration because when the qualities of "else, there is no self-depreciation, nor a feeling of inferiority.
Envy, therefore, can be benign when it leads to emulation: in this case it is a real push to get going to improve ourselves. And if the comparison with the other indicates a disadvantage, those who are healthy envious will take it as a spur to catch up.
This drive to emulate, on the other hand, was also (according to some psychologists and scholars) the reason for the success of the consumer society. It seems, in fact, that the desire to emulate others has triggered a psychological mechanism by which a once you bought a good (a car, a dress, a house, ...) you wanted to change it in a short time to buy a more beautiful or bigger one.
Thus envy could have been a real driving force for the community: by intervening on the social aspect and on the desire for emulation, thanks to this sentiment it seems that men have improved to evolve.
Envy, however, is in fact a feeling that must never be admitted: on a social level, in fact, those who say they try it immediately put themselves in a condition of inferiority. What could be a sincere admission, is instead a weakness and this awareness changes the perception that others have of us.
How to overcome envy
Is it possible to overcome the problem of envy? According to psychology, yes, and the key to doing so would lie in not denying one's emotions but processing them to live them with the awareness that this feeling is normal and physiological. To do this, it is necessary to undertake a path to develop a full awareness of oneself: that is, it is a question of understanding what our strengths and weaknesses are and of establishing real goals that can be achieved.
In this sense, it can be very useful to keep a real diary of emotions, that is, a notebook where you can write down your moods, how we feel about an event or a person, what are the thoughts that cause us discomfort. According to psychology, training and increasing the knowledge we have of ourselves can help us and restore self-esteem and confidence.
If the psychological work on ourselves is not enough to overcome our being envious, we can try therapeutic help by experimenting with cognitive-behavioral therapy. According to cognitive theories, in fact, by acting on the dysfunctional perception we have of us, it is possible to question some behaviors linked to envy. Furthermore, cognitive behavioral psychology seeks to eliminate the excess of rigidity that accompanies envious people.
It then works on the so-called rumination, that is the obsessive racking your brains on alleged wrongs or injustices suffered, in order to channel the positive thrust of envy towards a real improvement of ourselves.
