Love yourself: how to do it to live a truly happy life
Oscar Wilde argued that "loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong love story" and he was absolutely right. Often, in fact, the primary cause of our personal dissatisfaction and frustration is due to the lack of self-esteem. On the contrary, having confidence in oneself and in one's own faculties helps to make us more optimistic and to be more successful in life. For this, it is urgent. learn to love yourself as soon as possible, no matter how complicated and tortuous this process may be, so let's see in more detail why loving yourself is so important, what causes lie behind low self-esteem and some useful tips to learn to love yourself.
Before you start reading, enjoy this video whose message is a moving declaration of love to us all!
Why it is important to love yourself
Learning to love yourself is a process that is as long as it is urgent because it is the first key with which to open up to the world and live a life of happiness. However, speaking of self-esteem, it is necessary to make a premise: loving each other does not mean having a disproportionate ego, but rather knowing oneself thoroughly and becoming aware of one's strengths and defects, one's abilities and one's limits, learning to manage them with balance. It is a path that must be implemented day by day and that, despite the fatigue and difficulties, will bear fruit because, only when we have faith in our worth, we are able to face the ups and downs that destiny has in store. for us with great calm and serenity, without being scratched by inner torments and negative thoughts. Without self-esteem, we will neither have the courage to believe in the greatness of our dreams nor to make them come true, inevitably surrendering to the mediocrity we mistakenly think we deserve and depriving ourselves of the decision-making power we have the right to exercise over our lives. Finally, loving each other is fundamental because it is the first step to love others and be loved in turn, cultivating solid and fulfilling relationships, which enrich us rather than empty us.
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How much does the relationship with parents affect our self-esteem?
One of the most determining factors for the individual's self-esteem is to be found in the relationship between the latter and the people who took care of him during his childhood. The relationship with one's caregivers, be they parents, grandparents or anyone who raised us, heavily affects the personality we will develop as adults and, in particular, the esteem we will have of ourselves. This is also supported by the psychologist John Bowlby, who developed a theory, better known as "Bolwby's theory of attachment", whose main thesis argues, in fact, that self-awareness depends on the relationship with one's loved ones. giver. Specifically, Bolwby has identified 3 "relational" styles with a potential impact on the psyche of the individual to which they are subjected:
- Safe style: in this case, the relationship between parents and children is based on mutual trust. The boy / girl knows they can trust their guardians and finds in them a sense of protection and welcome. As an adult, this person will have self-esteem and will be ready to face the world, confident in their abilities.This style will help make the individual optimistic and positive and will allow him to recognize his own value, establishing a happy relationship with himself and with others.
- Insecure Avoidant style: the child feels that he cannot blindly trust the care-giver and, consequently, is betting everything on his own independence. The adult person will be closed and sad and will have the conviction of not being able to be loved by anyone. Fearing rejection, he will raise a protective shield around him that will never allow him to be fully himself.
- Style Insecure Anxious Ambivalent: Parents or caregivers are perceived as distant and unreliable. As an adult, the individual will be tormented by the fear of abandonment and will have little confidence in himself and in others.
Love yourself: change your way of thinking
For a person to finally be able to say that he loves himself, he must first drastically change his way of thinking. So, first of all, definitely say goodbye to hostile and harmful thoughts for self-love. In general, do not focus on what is wrong with you or in your life and try to ignore or block in the bud those voices that cloud your mind and they give you back a distorted view of yourself, trying to bring you down at all costs. An exercise that can be very useful in this sense is to commit yourself daily to transform the offenses we often turn to ourselves into constructive observations from which to draw ideas to improve ourselves more and more, to the point of earning our much desired self-esteem.
The catastrophic consequences of low self-esteem
Having no self-esteem is a problem that we absolutely cannot ignore or underestimate because it can generate catastrophic consequences for the lives of all of us. Depriving oneself of the love that is needed means looking elsewhere for what is not found in oneself, ending up taking refuge in toxic relationships and / or addictions of all kinds that will give the illusion of filling the gaps, when, in the long run, they will do nothing else. than to sharpen them further, wearing out from within. Consequently, without self-esteem, we will neither be ready nor capable of loving and letting ourselves be loved by others, never feeling up to par and allowing insecurities and jealousies to take over our relationships, which will be irremediably and ruinously cut off, causing in we further suffering. Furthermore, when a person does not cultivate self-love, he does not even have the courage to demand the respect or happiness that is due to him / her, contenting himself in every area of life, including work, in the firm and convinced certainty of not being able to do or deserve better. In short, not loving yourself means constantly self-sabotaging, sometimes without even realizing it.
Some useful tips to learn to love yourself
When you take note of your self-esteem problem, the first thing to do is to contact a trusted and competent psychotherapist who can accompany us on this path of "rebirth" through personalized and targeted therapy. However, there are some do-it-yourself solutions and tricks, to be integrated with psychotherapy, which can help us to cultivate self-confidence every day. Here are some useful and practical tips to gradually learn to love yourself:
- Know yourself: be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, admit once and for all that you too are worth and finally recognize your value because only in this way will you stop considering others as a yardstick and you will no longer be tormented by this continues and foolish competition that in the long run can lead you towards an inevitable and unstoppable self-destruction.
- Different is beautiful: it rejects the standards of perfection and homologation imposed by the company. We are all unique and different in our own way and this is what helps to make us who we are, for better or for worse. If you feel "different" from others, know that it is a very common feeling and this is what makes you special. Learn to value yourself in all your uniqueness because "like you there is no one, you are unique in the world!".
- Self-celebration: if the relationship of love with yourself is fluctuating, take note of your strengths and your small and big successes and read this list every time you groped in the dark, mistakenly thinking that you are a "good for nothing".
- Ask for help: Whenever you feel lost, remember that you are not alone. Friends, relatives or, as we pointed out at the beginning of the paragraph, a professional figure such as the psychologist will be ready to be by your side in the darkest moments, helping you to recognize the causes that have triggered this vicious circle of bad self-esteem and to work on the present, because you can finally learn to love yourself. So, don't be afraid to ask for help and don't hesitate to entrust yourself into the hands of those who can give it to you.
- Focus on short-term goals that you have the absolute certainty of being able to achieve so that you regain confidence in your abilities.
- Engage in activities that make you feel good: in this way, you will have pleasant distractions from your inner torments.
- Ignore other people's judgments unless they are constructive suggestions and, above all, evaluate the source they come from, distinguishing the people who really love you and who have real value in your life from strangers or acquaintances whose judgment would totally ignored.
- Periodically do digital detox. Stay away from social media, posts, comments and content of any kind that can negatively affect your mood and undermine your self-esteem.
- Take care of yourself because it is known that "mens sana in corpore sano".
- Get rid of toxic people in your life and only surround yourself with individuals who make you feel good about yourself.
- Don't underestimate yourself: do what you thought you weren't able to do, try it, don't give up at the first obstacle and, if in the end it doesn't work, it means that it was not what was right for you.
Quotes about loving yourself
Here is a list of phrases to dedicate to yourself or to the people you love to celebrate self-love:
You yourself, like anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Buddha
There are moments in which the three a principle applies: listen to yourself, accept yourself, love yourself.
Anonymous
Success is loving yourself, loving what you do, and loving how you do it.
Maya Angelou
Do not forget to love yourself.
Søren Kierkegaard
The biggest struggle is to love yourself.
Jared Leto
When I began to truly love myself, I got rid of everything that was not doing me good: food, people, things, situations and everything that pulled me down and away from myself. At first I called it "healthy selfishness", but today I know this is self-love.
Charlie Chaplin
Love who you are, the way you are. Never compare yourself to others.
Sergio Bambarén
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosvelt
Man at peace with himself, who accepts himself, makes his infinitesimal contribution to the good of the universe. Everyone pays attention to their inner and personal conflicts and will have reduced the world's conflict by a millionth of a million.
Carl Gustav Jung
It is not love that must be described as blind, but self-love.
Voltaire
The main task in everyone's life is to give birth to himself.
Erich Fromm
The best songs about loving yourself
Self-esteem is a theme that has also been addressed several times in the musical field. Several songwriters have composed and given voice to masterpieces that would help those who listened to them to understand the importance of learning to love each other as they are. Below we have selected for you the most beautiful songs about loving yourself, of which we have extrapolated, translating them, the most significant passages:
Whitney Houston - The Greatest Love Of All
"I decided a long time ago / never to walk in anyone's shadow / I don't know if I have failed or if I have been successful / but at least I have lived as I believed / no matter what they took from me / they can never take away my dignity / Because the greatest love of all is happening to me / I have found the greatest love of all within me / the greatest love of all is easy to achieve / learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all all"
Mariah Carey - Can't Take That Away
"They can do what they want to you / If you let them / But they will never make it / If you cling to your pride / And you leave them aside / See / I have learned that there is something inside of me that I possess / Something in my soul / That they can't take hold of / So I won't be afraid / And the darkness will fade / Because there's a light inside of me / That shines bright / They can try / But they can't take it away from me / No / They can't carry it / This precious love / That I will always have inside of me "
Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
"We are beautiful / no matter what they say / Yes, words can't bring us down"
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
"I'm beautiful in my way because God doesn't make mistakes / I'm on the right path baby / I was born this way / Don't hide in regret / just love yourself and it will be fine / I'm on the right path baby, I was born this way"
