10 tips to help children have self-confidence
How can we help our children gain self-confidence? Already in adulthood it is difficult to have the self-esteem necessary to face all the daily challenges and the same is also true for children. Stéphanie Fourneraut, a child psychologist, shares her advice to help our little ones and to give some advice to parents who are concerned about their child's insecurity.
From a few gestures to different games to play together: here's how to improve children's self-confidence.
How does self-confidence develop in children?
Trust is a feeling that is acquired from birth in the early interactions between a child and his parents. The transport, safety and reassuring gaze of the parent on the child allow him to feel safe and to be able to confidently undertake the path of life. Everything is built in the bond of attachment between the child and their parents.
Throughout childhood, self-confidence will continue to be developed through family interactions but also through social interactions.
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How do you recognize a child who has no self-confidence?
A child who lacks self-confidence may be a child who devalues himself by saying phrases like "I'm not good" or "I'm stupid" and who doesn't feel capable of doing things on his own.
It may be that in the classroom the child is afraid of participating in class activities, of making mistakes and doubting his abilities. Additionally, he may also be afraid of interacting with his classmates.
There are cases in which children with low self-esteem are devalued from a physical point of view, complaining of aesthetic defects. Especially in this situation there are children who dare not do anything: they do not dare to participate in lessons, to practice a new activity or to bond with others.
5 things to avoid doing or saying to a child who has no self-confidence
- Avoid teasing and personal criticism that is too personal, such as, for example, "you are bad".
Rather, you get around the situation by explaining that what he did is not right or is an act of badness: "this job is badly done" or "what you did is not good". It is the action that is wrong, not the child. - Avoid too high expectations, with goals that may be impossible for the child to achieve, but rather set progressive goals for the child based on his age and therefore on what he is able to do.
- Avoid over-protecting him and frightening him by saying phrases such as "you will fall" or "you will get hurt".
On the other hand, protect him in the right way: encourage him when he learns to ride a bicycle or skate, without ever giving up on protection such as a helmet. - Try not to convey your lack of trust because the child acts in imitation and identification. It is up to us to force ourselves a little to show him the example.
- On the other hand, having overconfident parents puts the bar very (too) high and gives the impression that we can never be up to it.
In any case, pay attention to the image you give to your children.
5 things to do to help a child feel good about himself and therefore have faith in him
- Emphasize what is right and what he has done well.
- Release the pressure on his shoulders.
- Try to be optimistic.
- Project a "positive image."
- Make the child independent and empower him while being monitored "from a distance".
Finally, help him to compare himself with others. For a child of at least 7 or 8, let him buy bread while he is waiting for it in front of the bakery. Small gestures like this are crucial to her self-esteem.
As parents, we tend to tell our children what they have done wrong. However, to give them self-confidence we need to tell them what they are doing well, point out when they did well, when they did well, and don't forget to say that we are proud of them. However, as with all things, we must not overdo it and let a child believe that everything he does is wonderful and magnificent.
It is necessary to be objective and give him as many compliments as constructive criticism. In this sense, never go overboard with negative remarks when getting a bad grade, especially if it is a child who applies to school.
What games help a child gain self-confidence?
Classic party games are a good way to teach little ones that sometimes you can win and sometimes you lose. However, to improve his self-esteem, it is also better to resort to "do it yourself" games that focus more on him and his person.
Test yourself by playing
To prepare for the game, cut out small pieces of paper and write a small challenge on each of them. Start with simple challenges that your child can do depending on his age and abilities: make a terrifying face, walk across the living room with his eyes closed, write his name by changing color with each letter ... piece of paper and complete the challenge with or without help. To make the game even more interesting, also offer your child to create challenges that you will try to do, which could be a lot more fun but also a lot more complicated for you.
What did I do well today
Especially for children going to kindergarten or primary school, this game is very useful. It can be done every day, just find a few minutes in which with our children we tell each other what we did well today. If the child has difficulty identifying something positive, it is up to the parents to help him understand what he did well without taking anything for granted.
When is an expert opinion needed?
The small signs of lack of confidence (devaluation, doubts, fear of moving on and trying new experiences) should warn parents that they will be more alert and more attentive to their child. If the latter starts having anxiety or anger attacks, refuses to go to school, withdraws into himself, do not hesitate to consult a professional.
