How to overcome a betrayal? The advice of the psychologist
When we discover that we have been betrayed by our boyfriend or partner we get angry, we suffer, we feel humiliated and what we feel makes us lose lucidity. These emotions do not allow us to reason, to understand the real reasons that caused the fact, because in most cases the betrayal is the result of an equation in which both components of the couple have responsibilities whether they have been together for a long time. time that a few months.
Betrayal is the result of the equation, not one of the numbers that make it up. As if to say that if a man or a woman cheats on their partner there is always a very specific reason and it would be hypocritical to point out only the traitor as guilty. Furthermore, many decide to shift their feelings of aggression towards the other person, the third wheel, but the truth is that very often the main fault is not his, but of whoever has betrayed you. Women in particular hate their partner's lover, to forgive him, you have to hate her. The reason is understandable, but it will certainly lead you not to address the real reasons for your crisis and betrayal.
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In a couple, betrayal is synonymous with escape and breaking of that balance that was created when the monogamous pact was founded. Being with a person in Western culture means having physical and mental relationships with them only, polygamy and betrayals are not foreseen. Many affirm that it is not in the nature of the male to have relations with only one woman, but they do not realize that instead it is part of the culture in which they lived, where the satisfaction of desire must give way to reality and therefore both men and women, if they choose to stay within a couple, they must learn to say those no's that are fundamental for the respect of the other and for the safeguarding of their relationship.
The nature of the betrayal leads the couple to point out as guilty whoever carries out the gesture, but does not take into account that sexual evasion is given by a constant sense of dissatisfaction in the relationship or a constant narcissistic search to please others for the need for confirmation. or a compulsive quest to please several different people.
In fact, there are more types of betrayals even if the most superficially known is caused by the constant sexual dissatisfaction between the two partners.
Dealing with betrayal
Those who have been betrayed know well that it is often impossible to tolerate a gesture like this, but on the other hand they must be aware that to overcome it they must remain in contact with themselves, but above all with reality.
Lucidity always pays off, the ability to live one's emotions of anger, pain, sadness and disappointment is fundamental, but if you want to overcome it you need to understand that betrayal is in most cases a dysfunction of the couple. It is therefore useful to consider following the steps that we will indicate later:
- Live your emotions, stifling pain and anger leads nowhere, quite the opposite. Pretending nothing has happened would lead you to exacerbate your resentment.
- Avoid deciding immediately: be able to take your time to calmly think about what you want to do.
- Avoid revenge against your lover, many believe they are better, in truth it leaves only a handful of flies and certainly does not help the relationship.
- Think of something that can make you switch your mind off: treat yourself to a little pampering, a day off, a massage, a gift. This certainly cannot replace the pain you feel, but it will give you the opportunity to understand that whatever decision you want to make is worth and you deserve to feel good.
- Go out with friends, not those of the couple, just your friends and don't shut yourself up at home to think about how bad you are, you still have to live without taking refuge in your sad thoughts.
- Avoid being ashamed of what happened, it is not you who were wrong, but him.
- Try to understand what the problems of your relationship are and understand what your responsibilities are, because the other is certainly a cheater and has the greatest guilt, but the real problem is in the couple and its foundations. Betrayal is the result of this problem.
- If you have decided to tackle the problem, but want help, rely on competent people such as psychologists or psychotherapists experienced in managing the couple.
Every couple if they want can overcome a crisis and even a betrayal, but the conditions must be good, there must be sharing of goals, feelings and moral values, because with these you can overcome everything, even betrayal.
