When love ends: how to overcome a love breakup
Only you and your partner know if your relationship can be saved or is destined to end.
If together you think that separation is the only possible way, but you have problems dealing with the critical issues typical of this period, you can consider getting support from a couple and sexology specialist. We leave you a video with an expert in the sector who dispenses some useful and initial advice on overcoming a couple crisis.
Why does a sentimental breakup happen?
It is not easy to understand why a couple breaks up, but it is a painful stage in a person's life. Sometimes the end can come when you least expect it, in other cases it's just a matter of time ...
The reasons behind a separation, even within a stable and lasting relationship, can be really many. Some critical issues could perhaps be resolved in time, but more often than not it happens that one of the two people no longer feels the same emotions as a time towards the partner or fails to feel "connected" and in intimacy with the other.
Usually the half that is still involved in the story is the one that has to suffer the most consequences. Breaking up really hurts, for both parties, even when you're no longer in love.
The brain processes this pain as physical pain, which is why many people going through a love breakup literally feel bad. In addition to this, interrupting a relationship is a destabilizing fact that makes our future uncertain: the "we" on which we had fantasized and invested no longer exists.
Good news though: getting over a breakup is possible, even if it can take some time to go through all the typical stages of a breakup.
What are these steps that practically all of us go through when we end a love relationship?
See also
The stages of separation
Here are some phases that arise during a breakup (there is no precise order, they can also be perceived all together):
- denial: "it's not really happening". In this step the reality of the facts is rejected, perhaps to protect oneself from pain; they also try to go back to restore the previous situation, putting in place diabolical plans to get back with the partner;
- anger: "it is not fair", a truly preparatory moment to overcome grief. Pain is faced through anger: in this phase blackmails, insults start, but also moments in which one begs the other to retrace his steps. If children are involved in this phase it is always good to leave them on the sidelines; never be aggressive in front of them during a breakup.
(If you are a parent and are about to separate, read our article on separated parents and the rules for not making children suffer); - bargaining: "I can change". This is when you really realize that your ex will never come back and that you are in fact single. It is a moment of great introspection because you reflect on your own mistakes and those of the other; one begins to perceive that the breakup is a premise for a new and perhaps even better life;
- depression: "I don't know how to do it". The prevailing feeling is despair and it is here that one usually hits the bottom, isolating oneself from the world;
- acceptance: "I can rebuild a life!". It is the end of the mourning process, which does not mean to stop suffering, but it is a first step to take energy from one's resources and build something new.
Today we focus on this last point, going to advise you on some positive attitude to start off again and maybe open the door to a new love, more suitable for you.
You are allowed to cry
No matter what stage of separation you are in, crying is a liberating act and you have every right to abandon yourself to sadness. Your every feeling is valid and worth trying.
You have broken up with a fundamental part of your life and you need to let off steam as you see fit.
So cry and give yourself time! Don't blame yourself for feeling this way - the time to go out and party will come. If you don't feel ready, pamper yourself as much as you can.
If you don't love yourself first, it will be difficult for another person to do it with you.
Focus on yourself
After so much pain it is time to find some confidence and give a nice boost to your self-esteem. How? Taking care of both body and soul.
A love breakup can change you inside, and leave an indelible mark that will touch your character and the perception you have of yourself.
It is right to reflect on the mistakes that have been made and on the actions not to be repeated, but take advantage of this opportunity also to understand what you are really looking for in the other and in a couple relationship.
Make the most of these circumstances and sign up for those courses to get back into shape that you have been putting off for some time; keeping busy and at the same time carving out time for yourself is a panacea to overcome the breakup. Your spirit will emerge reinvigorated and you will be ready to throw yourself back into the fray when your best friend offers you the umpteenth exit that you have carefully avoided in the weeks before.
Fill your social agenda
Which you won't want to do much in the first few days after the relationship ends. But actually, if you're not feeling very fit, it could be one of the most effective ways to bounce back in a few days!
The key to overcoming a disappointment of love in no time and focusing on yourself is to organize with friends to chase away bad thoughts and fill your days.
Days that until recently were largely dedicated to your former soul mate.
It might be a good idea to start building a new network of support and friendships; this does not mean abandoning your historical friends, on the contrary we suggest you cling to them in the early days, but at a certain point it is better to take a little breath and get a wider tour of acquaintances!
The contacts to keep in the new version of yourself are the ones that surely make you feel good, appreciated and who are there in your time of need!
Write a letter
It may seem strange to you, but putting your thoughts on paper is a cathartic activity.
You can write it to your ex partner or to yourself: the recipient of your writing is the person you want to let go, and if that person is you it means that you want to greet the old version of yourself to welcome the newer one enriched by this experience. .
The letter should not be a list of negative points where you blame yourself or denigrate your old flame. Rather, opt for positive writing. life.
Value what has been there
If your relationship has lasted many years it is likely that it was an important story and that as such, it made you live many positive moments.
Healthy relationships are valued, even if they have come to an end. Each person who has been next to you has given you important life lessons, as you have to each of them.
Often we tend to denigrate our ex to justify the end of the story itself, especially close to the separation. However, it is better to focus on the pleasant aspects and respect the other person: it does not mean that one day you may find yourself on good terms.
