How to deal with your ex
The former ideal
The ideal ending for a story is one in which there are no "victims": you realize that you are more friends than lovers, and that it would be better to end it there. In these rare cases, often dreamed of and yet quite probable, the situation is very clear. Friendship is possible and everyone is fine: both are relieved that the other feels the same thing and nobody suffers.
The former ideal is no longer an ex, but an excellent friend who knows a part of our intimacy and with whom we no longer want to be together. There is no ambiguity and therefore no problem: friendship is possible.
See also
Couple test: who is your ideal man?
Ambiguity and qui pro quo
When the breakup is painful for one or both of you (you still love each other but have decided to leave because things are not going well between you), it is better to protect yourself, respect the person who is suffering and cut ties. Unfortunately though, that's easier said than done! You share the same apartment, work in the same place, hang out with the same friends, the same places ... nostalgia and the fact of seeing each other often can awaken the desire to return to share something else. This type of "post-breakup" situation causes a certain ambiguity that prevents the person still caught from metabolizing the abandonment and moving forward. Sometimes it is the person who has left who continues to feed this ambiguity: because it is easier and, unconsciously, because knowing that the other still loves us flatters and reassures us.
The best thing, then, is to isolate yourself until the critical moment has passed, at the cost of taking turns seeing friends, trying to date new people and making new acquaintances.
My ex's girlfriend
Do you learn that your ex, with whom you have remained on excellent terms, is dating someone? Strange, but this news bothers you a little, even if you thought you didn't feel anything for him anymore ... this slight jealousy is absolutely normal: you are the last person to have had an intimate relationship with him, and the fact that he is with someone officially symbolizes your separation. You are no longer in love with him, but your pride suffers. It will pass.
Instead, if you care about your friendship, you will have to change your behavior with him and distance yourself: enough with allusions to when you were together, enough with complicit jokes and with text messages at 3 am ... his new girlfriend must not feel threatened , let them create their intimacy and slowly get out of the circle of her friendships. If this creates problems for you, ask yourself why: are you still in love with him or are you interested in him again because you can't have him anymore? Regardless of the answer you give to this question, leave the scene and try to move on.
