Candaulism: what you need to know about this sexual practice
According to internet user research statistics, candaulism is becoming more and more prevalent among both heterosexual and homosexual couples. This sexual practice consists of watching your partner have a relationship with someone else. In doing so, he shows himself completely naked and in intimacy with a person other than his usual partner. But what is really behind this sexual practice? Who are the candaulists?
Enjoy watching your partner having sex ... with another person
Candaulism is a sexual practice that consists of experiencing pleasure while seeing one's partner - or one's partner - having sex with a third person. In fact, candaulism is very much related to the excitement that this view provides. Basically, candaulism can be more moderate and just be the fruit of the desire that arises when someone sets their eyes on their spouse.
Quite often, it is the man who is most prone to this sexual behavior, as he is anxious to see his beloved admired by others or when he has a relationship with another man.
Candaulism has a "historical origin that dates back to the eighth century BC. It all begins with Candaules, a king of Lydia, who found his wife so beautiful that he wanted to share her charm with other men by inviting them to watch. Then he asked his guard, Gyges, to secretly observe the queen in her chambers, even during her most titled moments. The woman, however, noticed this and, humiliated by the order given by her husband, asked Gyges to kill him so that he could take his place on Lydia's throne.
This story explains the very definition of this practice: one of the couple's partners enjoys making a stranger admire the other. It then evolved into the enthusiasm of seeing one's woman or man having a physical relationship with a third person.
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In fact, there are several ways to practice candaulism:
- The woman has sex with her lover in front of her spouse;
- The man may be absent during extramarital affairs and simply feel arousal when his wife tells him about her love or shows him photos and videos;
- In extreme forms of candaulism, the woman and her lover can have a dominant position with respect to the man. It is called triolagnia or cuckolding, a sadomasochistic practice that consists in humiliating the person with painful words or practices. This practice is carried out with the consent of the dominated person, with the sole purpose of satisfying his pleasure.
In some cases, the man may participate in sexual relations that his wife has with another. This is very rare, as it is more similar to swinging or willing to have sex with several people, such as a threesome.
Candaulist: what is the difference with the voyeurist, the exhibitionist or the swinger?
Voyeurism is a practice in which a person, the voyeur, observe people without their knowledge. It is the opposite of candaulism, because it is about being excited to see your partner having sex, with their consent.
Exhibitionism is the act of showing one's genitals in public and does not involve the partner in any way. Furthermore, this practice is prohibited as an exhibitionist risks one year of imprisonment and a fine of 15,000 euros. In candaulism there is no mention of a public place and, above all, the fantasy is based on seeing one's partner with another and not just showing oneself.
The swinging o Swinging is a practice that involves both partners of the couple, as they both decide to make love with two other people already romantically united. In this practice, the excitement of seeing one's partner having sex with another man can be a factor. In Candaulism, pleasure is not necessarily related to the sexual act, since the mere sight of another person admiring and appreciating one's partner may be enough to increase sexual desire.
What leads to this sexual practice?
If this sexual practice does not harm the couple, being a candaulist is neither pathological nor an indication of a problem between the two partners.
In reality, it hides the need to strengthen one's ego, for two reasons:
- Either the man has a lack of self-confidence and the fact of showing his partner in the eyes of others, seeing them envious and wanting his partner gives him a feeling of power that will help him stimulate his sexual desire and give him pleasure.
- Either he is unable to satisfy his partner and allowing her to make love with another person is a way for her to experience pleasure and enjoyment in front of her eyes. It would thus be a form of sexual satisfaction.
In any case, choosing to practice candaulism is a decision that must be common in the couple, especially to preserve it.
Can candaulism destroy a couple relationship?
Any sexual practice outside the "norm" (which consists in having sexual intercourse only with one's partner, or the so-called sexual exclusivity) can represent the risk of endangering one's life as a couple.
First, it is necessary to have a good dialogue between the partners in order to be able to speak openly about desires, fears and any other disturbances to the other before making the decision to engage in a particular sexual practice.
If the man or woman is aware of and accepts the sexual deviance desired by his partner, candaulism can be a way to explore new sexual practices aimed at increasing sexual desire and pleasure in the couple. The main risk is that one partner may eventually only want to have sex by practicing candaulism. As a form of addiction.
For the balance of the couple it is even better that candaulism is not an end in itself. A two-person sex life must be able to exist outside of this practice.
If, for example, the woman has an orgasm only with the other man she makes love with, even though the "official" spouse is initially happy and excited to see her feel pleasure, this can affect her in the long run and eventually the couple relationship could suffer from it.
In fact, when candaulism does not stop at just being seen having sex with another person, but gets to the point of having sex with another, there is also the risk that some kind of jealousy may arise.
Finally, both members of the couple must have a real desire to commit, without pressure or blackmail on either of them. The partner must be willing to practice this form of sexuality.
