Ghosting: Why does it hurt so much when someone suddenly disappears?
Our life is made up of relationships, more or less important. Some are essential and constitute a very precious asset: family, friends and our possible partner are part of this "category". We could never imagine losing them, just the thought makes us feel bad. However, nowadays there is more and more talk about the phenomenon of ghosting. For the uninitiated, it occurs when a person, voluntarily, suddenly disappears into thin air, without leaving traces. Those who wait for his return suffer as much as those who suffer from bereavement. But because a partner or a friend can decide to disappear from our life and, above all, how can we overcome that immeasurable pain due to ghosting?
Ghosting: what it is
Literally, the term ghosting it means "to disappear like a ghost". It is a phenomenon that nowadays is spreading more and more, although many do not know what exactly it consists of. having to "face" it through a dialogue or a discussion. Who chooses ghosting, opts to disappear into thin air, suddenly, without giving explanations of any kind and eliminating any form of contact on the part of those who are "abandoned".
Its diffusion is also due to the support that this modus operandi finds in the new means of communication, especially in social networks: a ghoster he no longer accepts calls, does not respond to messages, e-mails, blocks the other person on his social channels, so as not to let them have more news of him. In doing so, he becomes, in fact, a ghost.
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What are the causes
Faced with such behavior, many adjectives can come to mind to describe the so-called ghost or ghoster: cowardly, cowardly, selfish and so on. However, we cannot help but ask ourselves: why choose ghosting to sever relationships with someone?
First of all, this is a phenomenon that mainly concerns love relationships, but there are also several examples in the "ambit of friendship". For this reason, ghosting cannot be brought back to the one and only reason of "he doesn't like you enough". Those who decide to disappear from today to tomorrow are often driven by a sense of inadequacy that they feel towards themselves. He fears that he is not up to the standard of the relationship that was being built or of the discussion that would have taken place in the face of a clarification face to face or, at least, over the telephone.
It's not uncommon for ghosting to be seen as a "painless" way to end a relationship. The ghoster does not want to be the "bad guy" of the situation, he can't bear to disappoint the other person by telling him that it's over, that he doesn't want to be part of his life anymore and, thus, disappears. On the other side, however, who a series of decidedly serious consequences from an emotional point of view remain: those who are abandoned can blame themselves for the removal of their partner, have a significant collapse in their self-esteem and even self-destructive thoughts.
It is not possible to know exactly if one of our mates or friends (or friends) will ever behave like this towards us. In fact, ghosting is a widespread phenomenon both among men and women, indiscriminately. However, recent studies have found that people whose ages range from 18 to 30 do it. Behind this data, there may be various causes. The first is, of course, a rampant lack of commitment in relationships, both of love and friendship, which affects many young people. This is also joined by a sort of fear that affects these generations about the future, which manifests itself when "things get serious".
Finally, it has been noted that those who ghost often have experienced a similar attitude on the part of a parent in the stage of childhood or adolescence. If a child has always seen his mother or father break his promises or be constantly absent on important occasions, he may have accumulated within himself anger and frustration that he never vented. All this leads him to disappear and not to face uncomfortable situations as he has seen those who, on the other hand, should have given him only love.
The warning bells of ghosting
Although ghosting is an almost unpredictable attitude, there is no lack of signs that can warn us if the person next to us could ever decide to disappear into thin air from our life.
- He has few friends and no long-term friends: friendship, just like love, is a relationship that must be cultivated and cared for over time. Having no childhood or adolescent friends may indicate a lack of commitment in human relationships.
- Practice the treatment of silence: there is nothing worse than not understanding why a person is angry with us and not knowing what to do to clarify the matter since there is an impassable "wall" in front of us. Whoever implements the treatment of silence escapes from discussions and from verbal clarifications, escaping from difficulties by keeping silent.
- He has no "fixed opinion on anyone: a possible ghoster is someone who tends to idealize a person and then devalue him directly the next day.
- He often has a fluctuating mood: he tends to withdraw into himself and to put in place a passive-aggressive attitude.
Why does it hurt so bad?
The tactic of ending a relationship painlessly fails on all fronts for the person who sees himself, from today to tomorrow, deprived of any form of communication with his ex partner or friend, as well as of his presence. The victim of ghosting feels excluded, erased from the life of someone he cared about and tends to blame himself for abandonment, also being able to develop self-destructive attitudes. only to the mind but also to the body.
The pain experienced by ghosting has been similar to that experienced in bereavement. This is due to the fact that that fundamental part of becoming aware of the conclusion of a story is missing.The ghosting victim feels the need for an answer and a reason why she was left behind, but the closure of all forms of communication takes away this possibility, leaving her at the mercy of herself and her emotions. The latter range from sadness and melancholy to anger and disbelief.
How to behave after ghosting
We know it can be difficult, but every ghosting victim should try to understand that they have no guilt to inflict on themselves. Furthermore, it is very important to avoid any kind of contact with the ghoster: whoever leaves in this way is scrupulous in closing any form of communication with the other person. Constantly trying to call or write to him through the various social platforms or to message would be just the umpteenth proof of his estrangement. In this situation, your best allies are time and friends. Time helps relieve pain and reflect on what's really important, while true friends are always a precious asset, willing to be by our side for every challenge in life.
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