Peter Pan syndrome: how to recognize the fear of growing up
There are fairy tales that never go out of fashion and one of them is certainly that of Peter Pan. The story of the eternal child who does not want to grow up, bound within the magical confines of the "island that does not exist", has always fascinated millions of young people - and not only - from all over the world. What perhaps JM Barrie, author of various novels starring Peter Pan and Wendy, he did not know is that his character would give the name to a complex studied for some time in psychology, or the Peter Pan syndrome.
This syndrome concerns men who today are turning out to be more and more eternal children, incapable and above all who do not want to grow up. Thus, attracting a man who presents the Peter Pan complex into one's life happens more often than it does. Therefore, in this article we have collected everything there is to know about the male fear of growing up, starting from what can be the causes that trigger it up to how it is possible to recognize it and, above all, to get out of it.
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Peter Pan syndrome vs the inner child
In general, the Peter Pan syndrome should not be confused with what Pascoli in the late nineteenth century called "the child", that is the infantile component present in every person. aeternus puer, that inner child, able to detach us sometimes from the worries and daily tasks. It is a "collective image shared by all men, regardless of sex, age or culture, which is expressed through creativity, imagination, the power of imagination and the desire to experiment with new and unusual things.
However, this unconscious part cannot take over, because if it did, the "inner child archetype" would come "out" and take over every aspect of our life.So, when it happens, those cases of Peter Pan syndrome are experienced, where there is a clear fear of growing up and taking on commitments and responsibilities.
The causes of Peter Pan syndrome
Like most of the aspects concerning the psychological sphere, it is not always possible to trace a single cause that can explain the development of a certain disorder or complex. The same is true for Peter Pan syndrome, although some commonalities have been found in men who have it, all of which can be traced back to their childhood.
- Parents who are too concessive and do not impose rules: it happens more and more often, especially as regards modern parents, that children grow up without rules or limits. Satisfying your children in all respects, without ever denying them anything and giving them, on the basis of age, certain obligations and responsibilities, is not a good way to protect them. Indeed, doing so will only provide an excuse not to grow up. Indeed, in the shadow of the parents it is easier to live, but one does not experience the failures, worries and duties required of an adult and mature person over time. At the same time, raising a child in this way also means not teaching him to love because he never feels strong emotions, either in a positive or negative sense. To remain under a glass dome is not to live, but simply to exist at the mercy of others.
- A "childhood never lived: the" other "slice" of men who show Peter Pan syndrome are, however, those who, in reality, have never lived a real childhood. All this occurs when a child has always seen his parents absent and had to, as it were, grow up on his own. The arrival in adulthood, however, occurred too early and incorrectly. Thus, over the years a man may develop Peter Pan syndrome because he unconsciously wishes to do everything he could not in childhood and take refuge in his own island that is not there. Also in this case the consequences can be serious, especially if the man in question has already built a family of his own and feels a sudden fear of his obligations as a parent.
How to recognize a man with Peter Pan syndrome
Whatever the background of the childhood of a man suffering from Peter Pan syndrome, there are certain characteristics that can make us recognize this complex.
- Fear of making a permanent commitment: surely this is the first alarm bell to understand if you are facing an eternal Peter Pan. This does not mean that this person does not want an emotional bond or even love, but that he is afraid. and shy away from being asked to take a step forward and a breakthrough in the relationship.
- Attachment to material goods: how many times have a child been seen craving a game that just came out despite having a thousand others at home? The same goes for the men from the Peter Pan complex. They are constantly looking for something new that makes them feel good and important. It is very often about cars, motorcycles, expensive clothes and other purchases that go to silence that spasmodic quest to want more and more.
- Selfishness: an eternal adult child in the soul is used to having everything he desires. Therefore, selfishness is another characteristic that distinguishes him.
- Reluctance to change: change means getting involved and requires new responsibilities. Men with Peter Pan syndrome flee from this, preferring established habits despite their libertine behavior.
- Strong idealism: although the imagination plays a really important role in the life of each of us, it cannot override the authentic vision of reality in an excessive way. If this happens, you will live constantly on "a" non-existent island where no one is up to expectations.
Are there any remedies for Peter Pan syndrome?
At the end of J. M. Barrie's story, Wendy and the siblings return home because they understand that they want to grow up and become adults. Peter Pan, on the other hand, gets stuck in a perennial island that doesn't exist, with the risk of being left alone. This perspective is the one that opens up to a man suffering from Peter Pan syndrome: once an eternal child is discovered in the adult world, the danger of being isolated is very strong.
To get out of this complex, you need to start a journey of deep self-discovery, perhaps helped by a psychologist. It is necessary that the individual distances himself at least in part from his parents if overprotective and begins to come to terms with his true emotions, finally coming into contact with frustration, disappointment and with all that emotional sphere from which he has always tried to hide . Only in this way can he then move on to the first and true assumption of his responsibilities and discover duties, obligations and even the benefits of adulthood.
