Spank children: you can do without it! How to act responsibly.
During quarrels with their children, the worst of parents comes out: some manage to maintain a certain self-control, but others give in to scolding and sometimes to blows on the ass. Today we try to understand if spanking a child really serves to educate him. It is completely normal to have feelings of guilt when we feel that our behavior is wrong; look in the video in which situations it is more than legitimate to have it and how to behave.
The spanking
We all probably received at least one in childhood: the classic spanking that for the generations of grandparents was only good. But is that still the case today?
By spanking we mean that blow that we tend to give on the butt, typically to children, with the open hand. It can occur when a child has very insistent tantrums, when he makes too many pranks or even when the parent is unable to resolve the existing conflict and gives in to this act a little frustrated.
Sometimes, however, these simple slaps on the butt can lead to real blows and therefore it is good to understand where the limit lies in order not to cause psychological damage to the little ones.
If once slaps were considered completely normal, today there is some more resistance to forgiving this type of attitude towards children: there are more and more experts on the subject and international studies that show that spanking is not a method. valid education and which, moreover, makes children more aggressive in adulthood, less self-confident and with the fixed thought of not being up to the situation.
See also
Is spanking a baby educational?
In today's times the most common answer is no, at least for the scientific and pedagogical community.
At the moment it seems that the slap on the butt is useful in correcting a wrong behavior of the child: the response to the spanking is fast, that is, the child freezes and stops doing that "not tolerated" attitude.
However, when used as an educational method and not as an extreme act in truly difficult and rare situations, giving a child a spanking does more harm than good in both the short and long term.
The most recent studies and the renowned American Academy of Pediatrics (the American Association of Pediatricians) have demonstrated the ineffectiveness of this method for educating children. Corporal punishment, albeit mild, has very negative effects on the psyche of minors, who will face emotions never managed even in adulthood.
Surveys based on samples of "slapped" subjects show that such individuals have a greater inclination to develop addictions to alcohol and drugs. Not to mention all those affective and cognitive disorders, found in significant percentages ranging from 2 to 7%.
The strict education of a parent, who acts by repeated spanking, also has repercussions on the scholastic career and on the integration in the classroom. The studies crossed the data and found that those children who were beaten or educated more rigidly than the others, especially within the first 2 years of life, were taken with notes or sent home for attitudes not suited to the context.
It has therefore been established that slapping one's child on the butt is not a valid educational method, because unlike what is inherent in our culture, spanking does not help the child to learn the right behavior. How to act correctly then?
What's really behind a spanking
Why does a parent, aware of these problems that lead to one slap too many, give in to these behaviors? For various reasons, which vary a lot according to the family and cultural context in which one lives.
Behind a slap there can be stress, fatigue, frenetic rhythms ... but also inability (in the sense of not knowing how to do it anymore) in managing certain situations with children, who have this incredible ability to bring out the best and worst of mum and dad.
Almost all adults get very unnerved by the typical whims of children: throwing the house in the air, protesting incomprehensibly by throwing yourself on the ground or zero cooperation when you have to leave the house, just to name a few.
It is in these situations that the impulse to raise the arm and give a loud pat on the little boy's ass starts. This is only the fastest way that the parent has to release the tension, because visually it has a certain result.
Mom or dad looks like they've found the solution to the problem, but it's just a shortcut.
Through the spanking the parent imposes his role on the child, but this is not how he will take over the reins of the situation because he is not at all creating the fundamental authoritative basis for the education of a child.
Avoid critical situations: change habits
If you want to improve your behavior because we believe that spanking our baby is not the solution to the problem, it is good to look within to try to change our habits. It is not always easy to follow a self-critical path, but it is the only way to try to come up with the best version of oneself.
As a parent, try to understand when "the spanking escapes: more in the morning when getting ready to go out or in the evening after a" busy day at work? At both times of the day there are small strategies to be implemented to avoid arriving at the moment of the outbreak.
For example, in the morning it will be enough to get up a few minutes earlier, even 10; this will help to start the day on the right foot and not let the anxiety of being late in the office fall on the child. Above all, you will not leave him in kindergarten or school with a burden on his conscience and your child will go to class more relaxed.
For the evening, keep a routine as much as possible and if your children resist doing the bedtime actions, show that you are the first to do them. Plus, if you already know things are going to be tough at home, try to ease the tensions of work by distracting yourself in the car or taking a few minutes' walk before walking through the door.
It is possible to avoid spanking and there are also valid alternatives for educational purposes. Obviously only you know the situation at home, but remember that especially with small children, in kindergarten or early maternal age, it would still be useless to block the wrong behaviors with a slap on the butt; they are not yet able to understand the reason for the punishment and certainly would not stop in front of a spanking that can arrive muffled by the diaper.
What alternative to spanking?
You understand that spanking on children is of little use, other than to worsen the parent-child relationship and undermine their sense of security. So it is necessary to find another way to 'educate' the child, which does not involve physical punishment.
The best way to make a child understand a wrong attitude is to open a dialogue with him: explain why that thing he just did is not good with a firm but not agitated, calm tone. Words must be few and direct, even better if accompanied by eye contact, so that the child understands better that he must concentrate on the message you are about to convey.
If the child is older, you can take him back by urging him to sit for a while and reflect on what happened.
This exercise, if it can be tiring, is however the one that will lead your child to face crisis situations without using force.
