Covert narcissist: who he is and how can he be recognized
Charming and seductive, but also false and manipulative: the narcissist is the kind of man that every woman would like to avoid at all costs.Sometimes, however, it is possible to recognize it too late, when important feelings such as love have already entered the relationship. To be able to better identify a person suffering from narcissism, one must be aware that there are different "species" of Narcissus. more difficult to unmask is certainly the so-called covert narcissist, a true magician of dissimulation.
When narcissism becomes pathological
Before discovering all the characteristics that make a man a cover narcissist, it is good to know that narcissism is not always a pathological disorder. In fact, in psychology we can recognize two different cases, the so-called "healthy" narcissism and the pathological one, which is found in various international studies and researches with the name of narcissistic personality disorder.
This clarification is very important because each of us has a narcissistic component, even when we are not aware of it. For example, a person who loves himself deeply, who treats his image carefully, who strives to demonstrate his talent in a specific area, and who takes pride in what he has done could be said to have narcissistic tendencies. in this situation the conditions are lacking for narcissism to become a real one personality disorder, or personality disorder.
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All this happens when an individual presents an "authentic fixation on his image and on his person, then developing a series of manipulative behaviors. Thus, it is no longer a simple characteristic, but a pathological personality trait because it interacts in incorrect way with the interpersonal relationships of the subject in question.
In general, a narcissist is recognized for the constant criticism he addresses to others - and never to himself -, for his being manipulative without empathy, for appealing to the feelings of guilt of those around him and for delusions of grandeur. which explicitly manifests.
The difference between the overt narcissist and the covert narcissist
As we have already mentioned, when talking about pathological narcissism, it is necessary to distinguish different personalities. In psychology the term "overt" is used to indicate those disturbances with an obvious behavior on the part of the person who suffers from it. On the other hand, "covert" refers to those hidden attitudes that make diagnosing the problem even more complicated.
To bring all this back to the disorder in question, it can be said that the narcissist overt is the generally best known one, with irresistible charisma and charm, the great seducer who loves to be the center of attention and who has a marked lack of empathy in comparisons of others to which he replaces the tactics of an expert manipulator.
The covert narcissist, on the other hand, is always a man focused on himself, capable of exploiting others to his own advantage and "establishing cases of emotional dependence with a partner. The real difference is that the covert does this in a timid and dismissive way. He has he too craves glory and success but the mask underneath the "idealism and insecurity. His vulnerability makes perfect victims the most empathic people who will try in every way to help him, even when he is the first not to want to solve his problem. situation.
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How to recognize a covert narcissist: 5 traits that unmask him
Understanding that you are dealing with a covert narcissist is the first step in knowing how to interact with them. As previously said, it is not always easy to recognize it, but at least 5 common characteristics can be identified that unmask it in our eyes.
1. Constant pursuit of unobtrusive admiration
Unlike narcissistic overt disorder, coverts do not want to be the center of attention in an obvious way. This is explained by their shy and reserved air with which interpersonal relationships, especially those of love, begin. This means that the search for admiration for them does not happen with blatant gestures or as the leader of a group: they demand it for their way of being, for those fantasies of fame and glory that harbor without everyone's knowledge.
The reserved and shy attitude changes significantly when the spotlight is not on them as they hoped. This is how they unleash one of their most dangerous weapons, namely passive-aggressive behavior: narcissists will never reveal their anger or frustration by giving themselves away. dialogue is impossible because of the treatment of silence that they reserve for their "victims".
2. Shyness and vulnerability
In everyone's imagination, a narcissistic behavior is what it sees as delusions of protagonism and grandiosity, as well as fantasies of success and fame. This attitude is explained by the exhibitionistic need of narcissistic subjects to be recognized by others. one of the characteristics that covert narcissists lack and that can deceive people who come into contact with them, first of all partners.
It is not infrequently heard that many women are fascinated not by Nietszche's "superman", but by the shy and lonely boy, who opens up "alone" with them, telling about his difficult life. However, it is good to know that exhibiting pain is never a good thing. As in the case of other disorders, covert narcissists exploit the air of a victim in a relationship to be able to get everything they want from those around them. The sense of narcissistic superiority and the drive for grandiosity have not, therefore, disappeared. but they only take on a different facade, the timid, modest or vulnerable one.
The strength of this narcissist is no longer his talents, as for the overts, but his bad luck or his flaws, because of which he believes he is entitled to preferential treatment from the more fortunate and happier others.
3. Only apparent empathy
If that of an overt narcissist is an always ascertained lack of empathy, that of a covert personality could be defined as more "devious". In fact, the empathy he demonstrates is one-sided, that is only for himself. To do this, he demonstrates himself on many occasions as a victim, perhaps blaming others for the mistakes he made or for any other reason. victimization card often manages to confuse those around him of his lack of empathy towards others.
Also, when narcissists hurt someone with their attitude and point it out, they completely cut off communication and are disinterested. It is precisely from such behavior that the importance they give only to themselves is highlighted, being unable to have genuine feelings for others.
4. Difficulty in interpersonal relationships
Another typical trait of the covert narcissist is that of "social withdrawal". This happens because if on the one hand an overt subject proves to be brilliant, enterprising and self-confident towards everyone, the covert personalities are much more selective in terms of attendance. All of this fits perfectly with their shy and reserved facade with which they present themselves at the beginning of a relationship.
Lack of close friends or acquaintances is a sign that you need to pay close attention to: People with covert narcissism choose people to surround themselves with only based on their own advantage. He is opportunistic and calculating, especially when it comes to economic profit.
Removed from their inner circle of "friends," covert narcissists won't know how to relate to others and won't even try. They ignore all those who do not respect that image and selection criteria to become part of their knowledge, looking at them with an air of superiority.
5. Devaluation of the partner
Being struggling with a narcissistic partner is never easy, quite the opposite. Depending on the type of narcissism you have to deal with, you are subjected to attitudes that strongly damage self-esteem. The first of all is that of devaluation. If a narcissist feels that he is too dependent on his partner, he tries to restore order - that is power - within the couple going to undermine her self-confidence and devaluing it. Furthermore, since the covert subject has serious self-esteem deficiencies, he tends to look for a partner who makes him "shine" in the eyes of others, only for his sole need for superiority.
On the other hand, however, if the partner obtains better results than hers, especially in the work and / or economic sphere, she will feel a strong envy towards her, which will show itself, in fact, with an attack aimed at her self-confidence. Therefore, it is understood that such a relationship is toxic and dangerous, even in the short term.
How can you leave a narcissist
A love affair with someone suffering from a narcissistic disorder can have very serious effects on the psychic well-being of the partner involved. Leaving a man-Narcissus is possible, but it is not easy and not only for the role of the latter. In fact, the first job that needs to be done is on oneself: to recognize that on the one hand one has been the victim of an emotional manipulator but, on the other, one has played according to his rules for some time.
Once this has been acknowledged, many suggest to undertake a path of psychological support that serves both to better understand one's weakness in the emotional field and to rebuild one's self-esteem, damaged in the course of the relationship.
Finally, it is very important to close any form of relationship with the ex partner, who will hardly accept the removal of the partner. No messages, no calls or comments on social networks: the detachment must be defined in order not to undermine the results obtained in the process of regaining awareness and serenity.
