When the children do not arrive: how to overcome loneliness and misunderstandings
Are you trying to have a baby, but can't (yet) get pregnant? Do not be distressed: it is a condition that unites many women, and it is important - in this process - to avoid blaming yourself and making comparisons with friends who all seem to get pregnant at the first attempt, making you feel even more incapable or under pressure ...
It is completely normal for a woman with infertility problems, or who is trying to become pregnant without success, to suffer a profound loneliness that comes from the constant frustration of her desire for motherhood. But the truth is that you are anything but alone: in Italy one in five couples cannot have children naturally and decides to rely on Medically Assisted Reproduction techniques! According to statistics, more than 15% of couples suffer from infertility and nearly half of women of childbearing age (18-49 years) have no children.
Here, then, are four tips - simple, but fundamental! - to be able to live with serenity this certainly not easy moment and - above all - to feel less alone in your search! First, however, let's leave the floor to Dr. Zerbetto, specialist in gynecology and obstetrics, who will give you some suggestions to be able to conceive:
1. Don't blame yourself!
Often women who are unable to have a child tend to blame themselves: the conviction is born in them of not being able, of not being able and that there is therefore something in themselves that is not working. This is a really wrong thought, which you have to push away with all your might!
There is nothing wrong with you: having a child is a completely natural event and Nature has its own times and, above all, its will that you cannot control and that does not depend on you! "a much healthier perspective that if it has to happen it will happen, and if it does not happen it will certainly not be your fault.
Of course, we know that after the age of 35 the chances of getting pregnant decrease, and some may feel "guilty" for not having tried it sooner. Think about it, though: if it didn't happen before, it's because you didn't feel like it, maybe you didn't have the right person at your side, the material conditions or the mental serenity so that it could happen ... It's useless to complain or throw yourself further stress: if you have chosen to try now, that's okay. Blaming you can only put you in a deleterious mood, first of all for yourself.
2. Confront people who have the same experience as you!
Sharing your experience with other women who can truly understand you is essential to feel less alone! Those with infertility problems or difficulties conceiving have a deep need to talk about it with people who have experienced or are experiencing the same fears, anxieties and worries. Sharing is the best way to feel less of an "anguish that loneliness only amplifies ...
Where to find other women who live the same experience as you? On Conneggs, the first fertility social network! It is a free platform specially made to connect women who are trying to get pregnant, whether they have fertility problems or not. Here you can find many aspiring mothers like you to talk to, discuss, exchange ideas and advice, with the certainty of always being listened to, without your problem ever being diminished or trivialized.
Registering on the platform is really very simple (as well as completely free!): You can do it by downloading the app from the App Store and Google Play, or by registering directly on the website www.conneggs.com. Once registered, you create your completely anonymous profile, with which you can access your personal page. Here you will be able to read all the posts posted by other women about the predefined groups created by Conneggs that you decide to participate in.
Moreover, whoever wants to, can create customized groups, called Custom groups. Finally, there is also an internal chat, which will allow you to chat with other users privately. Trust me: talking about it with those who can really understand you will make a difference!
3. Take some time for yourself!
Dedicate time to yourself and your passions: whether it's gardening, reading or DIY, try to include it as much as possible in your weekly routine to relax and concentrate on an "activity that you love to do and that fills your heart and thoughts.
This is always a flawless trick to carve out a moment out of time and recharge, letting go of worries, anxieties and bad thoughts. So indulge in some more pampering: organize an aperitif with your friends, go for a nice shopping trip, book a weekend at the spa with your partner or simply enjoy a relaxing bath or a good romantic movie with a super bowl of pop- corn!
They are small things, small attentions towards yourself, which will certainly help you to distract yourself, relax and feel more serene and fulfilled.
4. Don't listen to those who don't understand or pressure you!
Finally, don't listen to those who put pressure on you! We all know that it is hard to listen to the constant questions of relatives who ask you when you will have a child ... And if you are already trying to no avail, being constantly urged is even worse!
Do not let this kind of pressure bring you down further: answer frankly that the will is there, but there is still some time needed. Being honest is always the best choice, but you can always silence them by saying that it is a topic you prefer not to talk about!
The important thing is that you first of all do not let yourself be discouraged by the words of others, especially those of those who do not understand what you are going through and tend to belittle it. Instead, seek listening and understanding from those who really can understand you, like many women already registered with Conneggs, ready to share this difficult but splendid journey with you.
Article produced in collaboration with Conneggs.
