Marital crisis after the birth of a child? The advice of the psychologist
The arrival of a child in the couple involves a profound and radical change. Man and woman change "skin" and find themselves being father and mother and for this reason in the first months it is always very difficult for them to find, as a couple, the complicity that could have existed in the months preceding pregnancy and childbirth.
In fact, studies show that there is a notable decline in the quality of the relationship and in intimacy after the birth of a child, the young father goes from being the friend and lover to a support (often excluded) from the mother couple. son. In fact, the number of extramarital affairs initiated by men is remarkable because they have been expelled from the marital bed and who even sometimes come to be jealous of the "little prince" who has become the "little tyrant".
On the other hand, what do you want to do with it: the mother-child relationship is really special! Look at this baby as he is moved by listening to his mother sing ...
Marital crisis after the birth of a child: why does it happen?
Every "new" family must take into consideration that a child revolutionizes all dynamics. The mother is instinctively led to take care of the child on a physical and emotional level, creating a fundamental relationship with him that ensures the little one every attention in the first months of life. This dynamic, however, tends to exclude the father figure who in most cases is not considered capable enough to take care of the child, thus leading to a split in the couple and in the parental relationship.
On the other hand, it is important that the new father is "introduced" to his child, that he is allowed to hold him and take care of him. In fact, in today's society, where mothers and fathers work to support the family, it is no longer unthinkable for a father to cradle his child, bottle feed him, make him fall asleep, change his diaper or dress him, obviously without losing his role. of father.
In today's new parents, however, the roles are often not well clarified, communication is canceled, the intimacy of the couple vanishes and the mother and child exclude the father from their relationship, thus also bringing serious inconvenience to the family.
How to avoid a couple crisis after the birth of a child?
It is important that during pregnancy and during the first months of the child's life, the man supports his partner, helps her and talks to her and, if needed, reflects on any problems and shortcomings.
On the other hand, the new mother must try to recover, with the right timing, her role as a woman in the couple and in society and therefore learn to "detach" from her son to entrust him a few hours to his father or even his grandparents - who are a essential help - to take time for herself.
To prevent the couple from breaking up, new mothers and fathers will have to commit themselves not only to their new role as parents, but will also have to invest resources in the couple. Fathers will have to be tender both towards their little one and towards their mother and will have to try to look beyond the dark circles and messy hair of their partner and will have to make her feel loved, supported and desired.
Couple crisis after the birth of a child: tips to overcome it
New mothers, to overcome the couple crisis, will obviously have to look after their child, but they will also have to slowly let the father figure into the mother-child dyad because the role of the father is fundamental for a healthy psychophysical growth of the child. They will also have to learn to take time for themselves and their partner.
The couple will also have to recover their space over time, for example by going out without the child, staying one evening a week to go out with friends and planning a few weekends throughout the year to be alone.
Following these simple tips seems trivial and easy, experience teaches me that this is not the case: most couples separate after the birth of their first child, thus creating considerable inconvenience and complications.
When you become a parent you have to relearn how to talk to each other and in case there are any inconveniences, have the courage to talk about it with an expert. A couple can remain such after the birth of the first child only when the conditions are created during pregnancy through a shared path.
When a child arrives at home, there are four watchwords: love each other, talk to each other, help each other and support each other. Being a new mother is not easy ... try to browse our album, do you find us?
